oh yah.

and i forgotten to blog this:
I LOVE AQUOS!!! So much!! haha...

It never fails to amaze me how seldom we meet up. like MONTHS past before we find a day in our busy schedule for ALL of us to meet up, and we chat, crap, have fun, as if we're old friends... Oh wait. we ARE old friends... XD I love how i can just sink into comfort everytime i'm with you guys... no worries about not being accepted, etc.... The same applies to outings with yw too. =)

RH friends are a different matter somehow, cos i LIVED with them, so it sort of speeds up how close or at ease we become when we're with each other, but still, sometimes, cos of this and that... the awkwardness is still there.. depending on the pple. haha. but they're another comfortable grp. =)

thank god for all the friends around me. =)
~MeHhz~

ACTION

So. I've tried asking my dad to allow me to go for grad trip the last time. I got hell. verdict was that i can't go ANYWHERE, even malaysia. I ranted to my friends, complained about it, and gave up.
But i met aquos today. Friends of 10 years. They just came from natas fair, are going to australia, and i'm like elphaba (lame, k i know) COMPLETELY GREEN with envy. I thought i hardened my heart and shut in all my wants and it'll be okay. But seeing Indy plan for newzealand trip, engine peeps plan for taiwan trip, SEP pics on fb, etc.... and today's meeting with aquos planning for aussie trip was the last straw.

I WANT TO GO FOR A GRADUATION TRIP. I WANT!!!!!

So i'll stop bitching and start plotting.
Step one: choose the company which my parents trust the most, which is aquos. (i don't really care if i'm with indy or aquos, both are equally enjoyable and if given the choice, i'll go for both. But i'm still closer to aquos and have yet been on a trip with them while I went to melaka with indy.)

Step two: seek the opinions of someone whom my dad might listen to, which is my 4th uncle. (i'm only afraid he forwards the email/tells my dad i did this behind his back, but i'm taking that risk - it's worth it)

Step three: ask my friends to email my dad when most of the stuff are confirmed... hopefully 3 cute, guai, matured, dependable young WOMEN can soften my dad's heart. haha.

Step four: act (or i should actually do that) hardworking and guai for the rest of this semester.

step five: pray hard.

I just might be able to go..... But i shouldn't keep my hopes up lest it just gets slams down like the last time. Done the first 2 steps. Step 3 will probably be done in a week or so.... Step 4 and 5 starts tonight.

CHIONG AH~
~MeHhz~

yayyyy~

FYP meeting over... I know i didn't complete much.. But once i got started on it, it gets interesting all over again. =) So i probably (maybe) won't procrastinate so much already... haha... next meeting on tues again.

Oh and i forgotten to mention, i was youtubing wicked clips too and realised Adam Lambert acted as Fiyero b4! But then.... Although i used to like him as a singer, i still think david harris did a better job in singing.... adam lambert's version seemed abit amatuer-ish (and on the plump side HAHA)... david harris seems more steady and confident but not bodering on the proud side like adam lambert's version... *shrugs* I'm probably biased. =P haha.

Prolly gonna sleep now~ wash toilet tonight, mug biomaterials tmr! why does recess week seem so short!??! It's almost half gone!!!
~MeHhz~

WICKED

there goes the 128bucks~
But it was TOTALLY worth it, especially watching 'defying gravity' and 'dancing through life' LIVE. haha.... one of the HANDSOMEST FIYERO i've seen.... XD Haha... After the whole thing, david harris, aka fiyero, was at the shop promoting his CD also... the sentence running through my head was just: omg fiyero is so shuai, omg fiyero is so shuai, omg fiyero is so shuai! haha...

Anyway, fan-girling aside..... (didn't bother to queue to take pic with him though haha) I've 6hours to do the fyp stuff which i should have done since last week. =P sigh.. procrastinate again and again... =.='' my fault. rawr~
~MeHhz~

thinking....

I've come to the stage in this semester where my motivation engine is in sleep mode.... Having been disciplined since the begining of this sem, i'm rather burnt out now.... thank god for this coming recess week. Sat and half of sunday will be to slack and re-energize myself... then FYP for tues meeting. Mon will be burnt for japanese proj.

Back to being addicted to fanfiction again. Erps. It's just too addictive an avenue, where i can forget all the stress and pressures i'm facing. RAWR. I should stop soon. Instead of mugging/sleeping, i'm reading reading reading, and my eyes don't even have sufficient rest. Sigh... Kk.. after this weekend, i'll stop. For a week or so? till i catch up on my school work? haha.. no idea.

Anyway, it's only feb and i could barely rmb my new year resolutions. took a quick glance at what i typed and realised i was not even sticking to my resolutions. argh. haha... shall try harder after this weekend. last sem already. CHIONG AH.
~MeHhz~

V day!

It's vday tmr again! i used to feel the hype in JC and hall, but now it's like naahh.... no biggie.
Haha..... fyp due again on friday... but i'm sooooo sian to start on it.. erps. Probably pushing it to wed free day.. haha... dunno.

It certainly feels as if i'm blogging more often... guess it's to sort out my thoughts sometimes, although i realised the past few posts seem to be on the more depressing side. I feel like an attention seeking bitch emo-ing. =P But oh well, that's the reason i don't spread my blog around. Only those who ever asked me knows about it. And I sincerely wanna thank those who actually indulge me when i seem to be suffering from boughts of self-pity or what not. haha....

Time for action and less of complaining! =) Finally completed the japanese brochure i need to do for jap proj. Just a few minor editings and printing it in A3. Now on to mugging for biomaterials and then sleep early! Prolly mug in the morn tmr b4 eng materials lecture.... and then i'll be up to date with my work, except for FYP. haha.... Gogogo~
~MeHhz~
HAPPY VDAY TO ALL MY ATTACHED FRIENDS!! Aquos, yw, yk, brandon-jean, uday?, and anymore that i can't think offhand. XD

Have Faith

I realised that this year's a year for decisions for both my bro and I.
While i'm graduating and searching for a job, My bro's contract is ending and he's deciding btw job switch, full time study or same job part time study.

Decisions decisions decisions.
Haven't trusted myself in making decisions since i entered uni. Everything i've decided seems to be a bad choice, from choosing mech eng, to not selecting japanese minor, to not joining NUS ccas, etc...
Still, the lord has guided me since i was young and other decisions turned out rather positive, like choosing CCAs in sec school and TPJC, taking up pop piano for that short period, etc....

I know i'm rather lacking faith in myself, my abilities and my character. But still, i should have faith in the lord right? As long as i try my best, he'll guide me through this year. So sheri, buck up, stop procrastinating, do your best for all modules and enjoy ur last semester in uni!

meh.... Single Awareness Day (aka S.A.D) coming up soon.....
And i'm still the only one single within AQUOS and yw's attached as well.
haha... it's kinda ironic how i'm only one in engine and surrounded by guys but i'm the one who's not attached while they are. But oh well... i guess that's life, and it's my fault for not having the courage to step out of my comfort zone to mix around.
Sometimes i do wonder who i am exactly, that happy friendly fat and low CAP (aka stupid) girl everyone sees, or someone who's worth more than that.

Still life goes on and there's nothing i can do but to work harder and try to boost my self confidence. Have faith in the lord, and just try my best.
Last sem ganbatte!
~MeHhz~

Tired eyes

Lotsa stuff to do... But my eyes are just sooo tired of staring at the comp.
Stuff to do: Resume, edit journal paper of FYP, fix the new .exe file to alpacia web, set up amazon web, pamphlet for japanese kids....
Thsose above need to be done by staring at the comp... and my eyes are sooo soo tired....
Can't wait to mug my notes instead... but the comp stuff are those with deadlines.... RAWR.

Anyway, wanted to rant last time, but i've sort of cooled down alittle. It's just that i wonder when i'll find the courage to go against them. Curfew is seriously ridiculous. EVERY single time i'm out with my friends, i need to check the time, i can't stay with them till the end, i've to leave halfway.... Walking away from them, just to go home. It gets really upsetting after awhile, when u realise u've never had a chance to go out without the pressure of time at your back. You've gotta miss activities, esp the later ones that friends find a place to sit and chill. Chill, not meaning drinking, but simply sit and chat and bond. And that's the time u're missing.

And then comes the job. My dad asked why i'm going to school if i've no lessons. My answer was just that there's a career fair. Then he thought i went to one b4, so i just answered that no, that was a talk on how to write resume. And what did he say: Aiya, resume useless lah, you don't even have any past experiences, what resume do you need?
Like WTF? every job application needs a resume. And who's to blame for me not haveing past experiences? Me, for not being able to heck his wishes and find a job? Or him, for restricting me from working? So anyway, i was telling him resume does not only include past experiences, but can include blah blah blah.... Then he was like, all those no need lah, they'll only see your technical skills. WTF. So my answer was, what if i'm no applying for technical job? THEN, he started his rant on how i'm wasting my 4 years of education andmoney if i'm not gonna apply for an engineering job, and i better apply for one and improve my technical skills, blah blah.. WHAT SHIT. SO even my job choice has to be controlled by him?! WTF. Because of that, seriously, i'm probably applying for job vacancies in Japan. Obviously i may not get it, but if by any chance that i do, i'm seriously thinking about going.

And then came friends. Meng was going for an overseas SEP, and the rest was gonna send him off. His flight was at 12mn, so they were meeting at 10pm. I knew, my parents wouldn't allow me, but i wanted to see how inflexible they actually were, so i said we're meeting at the airport at 8pm for dinner instead. Told them i'l be back b4 10+, since dinner is at 8pm. (And it's a fri night so no school the next day) What was their answer? No need to go lah.... who else is going? so late u go for what? And ah, no need to mix so much with them lah, you meet yw can already.
Like WTF!? these are the only close guy sec school classmates i have and u're now what? filtering my friends for me? What shit.

Just how much of my life do they really wanna control? Just because they think something is good for me doesn't mean that they can control every aspect of my life. Even today, there's movie outing with nus friends. And i'm not allowed. mum said: shouldn't you be mugging hard. others are smart, so they have the time to go out. But u're not.
Okay fine. i always told them that i'm stupid and my friends are smart, so my results are shit and theirs are not. But seriously, you don't have to rub it in my face. Fine, accepted i should stay home and do my work, so i didn't argue with her about this outing. But what really irks me is that i'm TWENTY TWO going TWENTY THREE this year, and i've to ASK PERMISSION to step out of the fucking house. Others just tell ( or maybe don't even have to tell) their parents that their going out, and maybe where. But i've to ASK PERMISSION to get out of this jail-like home and more often than not, it's a no during school semesters.

I can't wait to work, and depend on myself. I know i'l have more prob with my parents then, cos they'll think: oh... so u have money now, you don't have to listen to us. you think just because u work, u're such an adult and you don't have to respect us (if i ever go against them)...
I KNOW that's what they'll think, so i'm sort of dreading that moment too. It's not that i don't respect them or that i'm think i'm great after i've $$ or what shit. But it's just that they're holding on too tightly. When will they let go?
~MeHhz~

i sometimes wonder how old my parents think i am

kinda sian and pissed now, but i've 10am lessons tmr, and lessons till 8pm.
Gotta go sleep. Can't blog much.
kinda wanna rant non-stop these days.
wanna just do everything my way instead of taking into account of THEIR feelings, thoughts and views.
sick and tired of being told to do this, that, being restricted etc..
ARGH.
Shall rant more tmr if i have time.
First, curfew, then job, then friends.
For fuck's sake, any more stupid restrictions, i'll really just find a bloody job out of singapore and get away from everything.
~MeHhz~

oh well....

Finally completed japanese stuff... so much to do!!
Gotta chiong fyp tmr... hopefully supervisor can't make it on friday (cross my fingers). Yes, i'm a lazy bum. I've reached the point in FYP were i've done soooo much that i've burnt out. My task now is to research and figure out amazon webservices and to choose the right database provider, how to link webserver to the elastic cloud, etc etc etc... i have NO IDEA about them. I read, i see technical terms, i google, i read the articles, i see more technical terms, i google, i read, see more technical terms, get them all mixed up, i google, and then i'm totally blur. I repeat the cycle, and see lotsa tabs open, and get all blur all over again... RAWR.
kk.... Tmr i'll burn midnight oil to chiong if i'm meeting supervisor on fri. Else, i'll use the weekend to really sit down and digest EVERYTHING. ARGH. I've given up on going to career fair tmr. or rather later today. lessons from 10-8pm with 1-2pm break, and 4-6pm break. At most only an hour, and i'll have to wear formal for that. Argh... GIVE UP DESU. Shall just go for the one next wed.
SHERI GO SLEEP NOW!
~MeHhz~

*sniffles*

haha... so much for telling my supervisor i got fever..
Ends up, i've flu... sneezing non-stop today... super cold... Brrr..
Anyway, lotsa stuff to do, but i just feel so sian of EVERYTHING.
Things to complete tmr:
- Japanese writings (2 to do)
- Vocal Quiz
- Memo conversation
- FYP (i can't stop pushing it away)
- Resume
RAWR.
~MeHhz~
PS: sorry if i was rude today (lunchtime) or seem pissed. Was feeling kinda sick and just didn't have the mood to joke around. Sorry!! Don't grudge me pls.