Bye blog.

Yup, i've decided to stop blogging here and shift to tumblr.... ask me for address if u want, but i won't be blogging frequently anyway.

So.... Finally a last blog post on the end of my mugging life, a post to sum up my uni life.

Year 1, i entered NUS via RH. Was really excited cos i'm living AWAY from home.... made an awesome grp of friends, joined activities, did things i've never done/experienced b4..... freedom! but then my studies suffered. Complacency that was developed when i was in TPJC caused me to be over confident in my abilities. In the end, i sort of flunked my grades. Had close friends who helped me, but still it wasn't enough.
However, i don't totally regret, cos of the many suppers i had, band practices, room sessions, music composition, concert, late night get-togethers, etc... In year 1, i truly learnt to be independent, living in a single room, cleaning my own area, laundry, etc... and i loved the experience.

Year 2, didn't get enough points to live in RH, so i stayed in kuok. Felt kinda down thoughout the first semester, cos it was really really boring. Regretted not finding liling more and dropping by her room in kuok. RH felt kinda distant cos i couldn't join in the activities... but thank god for engine friends who were there with me. Sem2, i returned to RH. Joined choir, floorball.... my 2 fav ccas in hall. =) I knew year 3 would be hard for me to stay again in hall, so i enjoyed myself to the fullest. Although by then, you could see the subtle tension between indy cos of all the stuff that's going on. But still, i'm glad we held on to each other till now. Results in year2sem2 was the worst. I might have regretted then, but now i don't, especially since i've already found a job and know that results don't play such a huge part in my future. I'ld choose the experience over academic results.

Year 3, plagued with lotsa projects.... got closer to the engine friends (thank god!) and managed to pull up my results abit. Celebrated my 21st bday, nothing big, but spent it with that few close cliques of friends. Plus, my dad allowed me to go to japan with engine friends.... my first overseas trip! XD with japan-loving friends.

Year 4, FYP. Struggled like shit to pick up everything from scratch cos it's programming. Thankfully there's hweesh who helped me alot, and friendly fyp supervisors who guided me and seem to have rather low expectations of my abilities, so whatever I did was kinda 'more-than-expected' to them. LOL. Took up a technical elective alone cos i was really interested in that, and i have NO regrets. Totally loved the bio module. Oh, and UTOWN opened, so was happily mugging there with RH buddies and engine clique. haha. Became addicted to starbucks, got closer to rh buddies, and fell in love with the yih starbucks atmosphere. Oh, and i started dieting in year 4 too.... was kinda feeling the pressure of lousy grades, difficult fyp, and sometimes being a loner when i mug alone. But i survived! Celebrated the end of uni life with AQUOS with a trip to Australia... did all sorts of crazy stuff like skydiving, climbing gates of a shopping centre cos we got locked in, stole toilet papers, had htht, ate kangaroo, crocodile, and emu meat, etc... Although i wanted to go for the newzealand trip with indy but wasn't allowed (same for hk trip with engine friends), i should be thankful that i at least got to go for a trip. I realised how much i love travelling so i'll be saving up for trips once i start working! =)

So now, i've passed out of NUS with a general Bachelor of Engineering (Mechanical) degree, lost 10kg, and i've finally found a job at Keppel FELS. Have yet to start work cos the company delayed my entry. Coming Monday (3rd sept) will be my first day. Harsh environment, long working hours, but it's time to push myself and step out of my comfort zone. I've gained experience in uni, gained new awesome friends, grown up a little, but there are still things i've to improve on. Mainly my self-confidence, which was at an all time low in uni cos of my size and grades. Slowly pushing myself. =)

So as i continue this new journey and chapter of my life, i hope i'll find confidence, happiness and love in the near future. This blog was started for me to rant when i'm stressed and thanks to some friends who occasionally check my blog, i don't feel so lonely/stressed. Since secondary school, i've been blogging here.... So i guess it's time to close this blog, or rather stop blogging here. I've shifted to tumblr cos i can't resist their awesome pictures, and i'm sick of my chatbox being flooded with weird spams.

Bye friends! =) *hugs and kisses* bye blog.
~MeHhz~

whoops.

vulgar much. =X (previous post haha)
lazy to reblog, so just copy paste the post i did on tumbr:

bleh.

Happy Birthday to me(yesterday)! haha.
And i’ve friends wishing me selamat hari raya though i’m neither malay nor muslim. LOL.
Another year older, and my dad’s as controlling as EVER. Was super pissed yesterday, but oh well, since when does he ever NOT control my life. rawr.
But then on the other hand, my family seriously spoils me. I’m not one who goes for branded or expensive stuff, but apparently my family does. A paul smith handbag from my parents, and a SUPER AWESOME Ultimate Ears TripleFi10 earphones from my bro. Seriously, they are crazy. Whats with splurging so much??? Not that i’m ungrateful, but seriously? there are other much better uses the $ can be spent on. but still, i’m being pampered. =X haha.
met up with indy friends on fri, loved the company, meeting up with aquos tonight. I am indeed blessed with lovely friends and family. I just wished my dad wasn’t so controlling. 7days more of slacking b4 i start work….. erps.
Sometimes i feel tied down cos of family commitments. There are many times i restrict myself doing certain things cos i know my parents will be unhappy and stuff, but seriously, i think i should stop being such a pushover and fight for what i want. maybe. i’m still a wuss. sigh.

 edit: met aquos peeps today. THanks for the madforgarlic treat!!! *hugs*

I AM FUCKING PISSED.
STOP CONTROLLING MY FUCKING LIFE.
YOU'RE JUST MAKING ME LOSE WHATEVER RESPECT I HAVE FOR YOU.

LOTR

rewatching extended version~ haha.
before i start wokring....
time to chiong movies and storybooks. =)
~MeHhz~

my problem?

Is it because i've been restricted since young that i feel so confined even now?
Maybe it's normal for pple to spend time with family.
But i feel so irritated when it's due to family that i can't go out with friends.
and then i'll feel so low cos i should be appreciating time with family and stuff.
But it's sooooo fustrating... this cannot cos got that, that cannot cos got this.
Spend time with family lor, that what they all say. But then again, it's only me, my bro is free to do what he likes. And i can't ever compare him to me, cos my mum will be like: why must u compare? go out with family also so unhappy ah? spending time with family so hard meh? your father is always working, now that he's home u can't even take some time to spend with us?

But the prob is my friends are ALL working. it's only weekends that i can spend with them. Weekdays i'm home with my parents, and they still want my weekends. sigh.....
I'm probably just an unappreciative bitch.
~MeHhz~

whew~

I got the job. yay.
now i'm just waiting for medical results, then can sign contract and start working!
Gonna have no life soon~ heard the 'horror' stories of 7 day week, etc....
Oh well... that's life, time to step out of my comfort zone and gain new experience.
Gonna blog a final post about uni life in NUS, then i'll change blog...
and probably make it private.
cheers!
~MeHhz~

if/when i find a job....

I realised i kept saying that.
if i have a job, i'll blah blah blah....
So just for fun, maybe i'll list out the things i'll do.
1) blog about NUS life and end of my slacking
2) maybe cut my hair short
3) buy earpiece
4) buy muji boxes to store shoes and go on shoes shopping spree
5) buy a camera
6) buy new hp + get data plan
7) treat my family a good meal
8) continue piano if there's no OT.

Seems like most of the above needs $$$.... haha...
looking forward to spending power. Hopefully i'll do okay in the interview later..... and get the job. hopefully~ else i'll go work part time in Lenas or some bubbletea store. XD haha....

right....

thanks, just thanks.
I bet you never once thought about how i felt.
"靠人家就是这样lor", you said.
so it's my fault again?
i guess so.
i've been feeling that guilt the whole day.
you just had to rub it in right?
well done, you succeeded.
either way, i'm doing the wrong thing.
thanks.
~MeHhz~

on a lighter note, prayers work wonders, but of cos hardwork pays too. been praying for that friend and that friend seems to be well and great now. feeling kinda jealous, but yeah, i am glad for that friend for that well deserved life that friend leads now. that friend's effort payed off, i'm glad. =) praise the lord.

oops.

kena lectured today for being such a sloth/pig.
haha... oh well, i guess i deserved it, for sitting down all day reading manga and watching ANTM instead of packing this and that, applying for jobs, and handwashing those non-machine-washables.
feeling kinda useless these days, but can't seem to find the motivation to push myself to do something. =X
Urgh.... i'm totally spoilt. rawr.
well, at least i completed quite alot of stuff today, handwashed those clothes, clear my table tops, neaten all my shelves, etc.... (omg~ can't believe how neat it is now... haha.... and all the notes i could throw away~)
Looking at all the notes, postcards, cards, etc that i've received from all my friends... awww.. i feel so blessed to have known them. *hugs*

To dos for tmr:
-apply to rec, psa, dxo, sembcorp
-wash toilet
-change bedsheets
-buy groceries

heh.

i feel so stupid to have been affected.
not gonna bother anymore.
i'll find myself somehow. =)

grow up

I guess everything i'm feeling now is part and parcel of life...
23 this year.... still young when judged by working adults, but old when i think of how far i've come from being that kiddy little girl in primary school.
i'm just feeling kinda ranty these few days.. hence my posts on my blog... but sooner or later, i'll probably close off the blog soon..... or maybe revamp it. probably after i've found a job and am about to step into that next chapter of my life. tumblr is still more fun. haha.
i'm missing NUS life alot. somehow. I probably have minor regrets on not getting better grades, but i'm missing the fruit juice store, then lectures and lunches with engine friends, the muggings with indy, the pretty environment. Just realised i've yet to type an official post on my NUS life, the 4 years there.. but i'll probably do that later, after i've found a job.
i'm still sort of in a 'holiday mood' cos i'm jobless and it still feels like semester break. but august is coming... and i'm still jobless.. getting kind of desperate. haha. sometimes i feel so stupid when i reflect on all my actions... but it's all done and over.
Just hoping for a change in my aimless life these days...... meanwhile, clean up bits and pieces of my life, improve on what i need to, and relax.
~MeHhz~

big sigh.

argh. i dunno.... i'm probably being an unappreciative bitch.
but i feel like they always spoil my day.
whenever i'm finally having a day in which i can just immerse myself in what i like, they'll come and spoil it somehow. either to bug me to do this or that, or comment on my attitude, or tell me their probs or just make me feel guilty about something which metally i know i'm not at fault, but emotionally, i just feel like i'm still the one at fault somehow.
like at the end of it all, i'm still not good enough a daughter. i dunno.
Am I a selfish bitch finding fault with my parents? or are they expecting too much?
or am i just being emotionally weak? or just too sensitive?

fuck. i should stop wallowing and be stronger mentally. 
~MeHhz~

=)

convo's over. photoshoot with various grps of friends over.
job applications submitted.
now it's time to source for more companies and send more applications.
at the same time, THINK about what kinda job i really wanna work in.
kinda at some part of my life where i'm really 100% aimless cos i have no idea what kinda job i want. Seriously. i'm getting lotsa advice from diff grps and pple, diff sorts of advice, some which are totally opposite, etc.... oh well... hope the lord guides me to the path i should take. =)
wed 2nd interview for keppel, wish me luck. =)
~MeHhz~
yw ah. stirring things are not healthy..... u know.... =X haha....

over?

looking up from where i sat alone in yih starbucks, it suddenly striked me that uni days are over. totally over. this is not a short 'between-semester' break. i've graduated, convocation is in 4+ hours time. 

here at this exact same spot in starbucks, i've sat and mugged alone for the whole of last sem, sometimes with friends. happily mugging biomedical engineering materials, or desperately cramping boring engine info into my overloaded brain. it's too late for regrets. i didnt work hard enough for the first 2years. i'm facing the consequences tonight, graduating without even a thirdclass honours. 

but regardless of that, the 4 years in nus were fulfilling, the memories made, unforgettable. raffles hall friends, activities, engine friends, proj groupmates. i learnt, gained new experiences, made new friends, grew up. despite being a lazy bitch most of the time, i know i'll miss mugging. i'll miss sitting down writing notes, learning new interesting facts, being fascinated when i realise how some info are applied in real life etc. most of all, i'll miss the carefree lifestyle of a student, no worries about jobs, workplace etc... i'll miss the times i happily spent with friends in school too, mugging together, slacking tgt, lunching tgt, etc....

more than ever, i'll treasure those outings we have now, because we're all gonna be busy with life and any meeting would be rare and precious. i think i've finally faced the fact now, that it's time to get off my big fat butt and seriously hunt for a job, get on with life, and not sit around missing my life in nus. i'm no longer a student, currently a bum, and it's time i step out of my comfort zone and take a huge step forward into the unknown... i've lived a very sheltered life. it's time i ventured out and stop being a wuss.

go sheri. 

~meHhz~

rawr

Feeling rather angsty.
FML.
parents are just sooo argh. I dunno.
i don't understand them, they don't get me.
whatever.
talking to them is like talking to a wall.
out of 10 words, only 2 register.
blah. i'm just pissed for no particular reason.
ignore me.
!@#$^&
~MeHhz~

back

back from aussie....
But feeling rather not myself.
I dunno... i just feel so weak and uncomfortable, dizzy at times.
Puked my guts out on the last day cos of food poisoning, till my vomit was all green liquid.
Ate stuff and felt rather normal after that, but still queasy in the stomach at times.
Body ached all over the next day, but it's probably due to period. =X
and the most surprising thing is, i actually have no appetite for chocolates or timtams.
I mean like WTH? that's not me... in my mind i'm dreaming of them, oreocheese cake, chocs etc.. but faced with chocs, i don't feel like eating anymore. It's so weird. argh... i hope my stomach settles soon and i regain energy to go jogging. I even feel slightly dizzy when i stand up now... ZZzzzz....
So lethargic.
~MeHhz~

dunno.

It's kinda bad for my self-esteem to find out that i didn't even pass the airforce engineer interview.
They offered the air operations vocation to me though, but cos my dad was so against me signing on, i declined the chance.

I dunno what to think now, with my sucky results, even the airforce doesn't want me. Kinda crushing.
Oh well, i can only go on a job hunt when i'm back from aussie. Get a normal engineering job, work as a lousy engineer, hope i can learn more and slowly find my direction. i wanna say "i don't wanna think about it anymore, just enjoy my trip" but i'm still dwelling on it. SIGH.

come on sheri. you're flying off to aussie for grad trip, for once just shut down ur worrisome brain and enjoy life. job hunt after ur trip.

anyway, cya'll when i'm back!

FML.

Even now, i feel as if i'm not leading the life i want to.
EVERYTHING is dictated.
The pressure is seriously suffocating.
WHY are expectations always so high?
Why can't we humans lead simple lives?
Sometimes i dunno who i hate more.
Myself for being such a loser, my dad for being such a dictator, or society for all the expectations they have on my generation.

Went for the NAC2012 talk cos 4th uncle was strongly recommending it.
On one hand, i gained general knowledge. On the other hand, i look around me and see all the money hungry pple, learning to network and sign deals, learning to invest in stocks, shares, commodities, real estate, etc...
It makes me wonder, is life all about making big bucks?
Maybe it's cos i've been leading a comfortable life all my 23years, i don't have the ambition or drive to be some high flyer. I don't have the ability either. All i want is a simple life for now. Next time, i won't know.
But still, my jobs have to be dictated, etc etc etc.....
This is WAY more stressful than studying for exams.
It's like i'm at some road intersection with tons of choices as to what's the next path i want.
Everytime i want to take a step in that direction, it floods over or disappears.
What's left is what i don't really want but what the 'dictator' wants for me.
SIGH.

Oh well... i'll leave it to the lord to guide me.

Oh, and i'm no longer on diet.
Cutting down food doesn't drop my weight anymore.
Anyway i'm finally at 49.
So now it's exercise.... i'll still cut down on carbo though.
But i won't avoid junk food anymore. XD

end of my NUS uni life.

It's ended.
I can graduate.
But with a sucky degree that i'm sure my parents will be disappointed.
i haven't mentioned anything to them though.

i've tried my best for this last sem.
I really did.
But apparently not enough.
it's never enough.
i still can't reach that f-ing '3'.
*laughs* and i'm not referring to 3rd class, but rather CAP 3.
Missed it yet again.
it's time i accepted my abilities.

Oh well. I'm fine and resigned anyway.
Used to getting shit results ever since uni started.
it's time i started to seriously find jobs.
buck up sheri.
start of a new road in life.
Time to go order that graduation gown you were hesistant to cos u were afraid you might fail modules and not graduate.

~MeHhz~

rawr.

I need to start looking for jobs.
I've been a pig. procrastinating job search....
Happily going out when my parents ask me to, else i stay home and am addicted to tumblr.
sheesh.... =X
and hence the lack of updates on my blog, cos tumblr's more fun. LOL.

Things to do:
-resume
-job search
-aussie search
 -prac piano (stop slacking about)

OMG. i just remembered results are gonna be out soon. The very last time i'm gonna receive results from NUS. Erps. 1 more week.

Oh.. and nope, i wasn't slacking for the past 2 weeks. a week and a half was spent entertaining my malaysian grandma who came down to singapore, and then i went up to melaka. so yup, i'm just starting to 'enjoy' my hols after exams.... and COMPLETED the 3 hunger games books~ YAY! awesome! I'm soo looking forward to watching the next movie. Or even rewatching Hunger Games again.
~MeHhz~

uuuuuupdate~

1 week since i last blogged...
i'm gonna lessen blog updates now...
Won't change blog, but i won't blog as often.
Tumblr is more fun. Haha.

Went marina barrage with RH pple.
FUN FUN FUN.

But i missed the avengers outing with engine pple... SIGH.
Oh well.. maybe i'll treat my family and bring them. =)

Busy week cos have to entertain grandma...
Didn't even have the chance to happily chiong hunger games book.
*cries*

tmr badminton with aquos~ XD

sheesh sheri!!!

My last paper... freakin last paper....
and i have NO MOTIVATION to mug at all...
argh...
probably gonna sleep soon.. wake up at 5am to mug....
Hopefully the *omg exam in 2-4hours* mindset can force me to mug.
Argh..... i'm such a lazy and unmotivated bitch...
so much for putting in lotsa effort in my last semester.
I'm already slacking b4 my last paper.
*slaps self*

MUG BITCH!!! haha....

On a side note, went to church today.
After SO LONG... =X felt guilty for not waking up and going to church on Sundays.... kept giving myself excuses and stuff... i've been LAZY.
But surprisingly, my parents wanted to go this week onwards. Praise the lord! Have been praying for YEARS for my dad to go to church. So yup, i went with them~ =) Awesome feeling, to go with my family... (though my bro couldn't this week cos he had to attend some wedding lunch). Looking forward to next sunday~

I might end this blog soon. I dunno. Getting irritated by the spammings in the chatboxes by pple i dunno. I've to keep deleting them....
I might either start a totally new blog (still under blogspot), or maybe start a tumblr account instead. Or both.. One for public, the other for private. 
hmm...
~MeHhz~

one more paper....

Just one more paper.... and i can't concentrate.
Zzz... Come on sheri.... LAST PAPER!!!

Finally submitted my FINAL thesis submission on fri.
*Whew~* it's officially over.
Slacked a little on friday.
Should have mugged today.. but.... =X
Oh well.... shall start after i've typed these...

HUNGER GAMES BOOK~
I'M COMING ON MONDAY!!!
haha....

Thanks yw for the company today!!! *hugs*

~MeHhz~

crazy

I suddenly have this crazy idea:

Should i sign on a career with the ARMY? hahaha....

Probably not... LOL.
~MeHhz~

hmm

Somehow, i feel as if i've wasted my 4 years in uni.
Yes, i've made new friends, gained new experiences, pushed myself over limits in terms of not sleeping and chionging assignments. But somehow i feel that i've not done enough, probably cos i used to achieve much much better results, have more confidence, etc.... I'm surrounded by high-achieving friends who have worked hard and got what they wanted, and when i look at myself, I feel as if i've gained nothing. Academically not there, mentally weak, physically growing fatter.
So this last sem, i've pushed myself. Chionged for FYP, chose a proj that is totally new to learn from scratch. This is the last 6 days of my uni life, 2 more papers. Today's paper i'm glad to say, i breezed through it. But unfortunately, it's only 30%. The other 70% was on proj, which my group didn't do well, and midterms which i got 1 mark BELOW the average. I tried, i really did try. I guess i can only pray for the best now.
Tmr's paper. Materials. Mentioned it to my dad. His response, EASY LAH..... and he made EVERYTHING sound so simple. ha. I dunno whether to laugh or cry. Here i am trying to stuff info into my brains, there he is talking like it's so freaking simple, wondering why i'm struggling with it. sigh..... Will mug hard after dinner. Yup, it's 10pm and i haven't had my dinner... cos my mum's busy and my family is used to eating all tgt. I'm not hungry yet though~ so it's okay~.
So, back to topic. 4 wasted years. I know i've gained stuff, but somehow i've not achieved as much as i want to. Maybe i expect too much from myself, or had too high hopes. So anyway, this last sem, i WILL CHIONG.
oh btw, i HIT 49.5KG!!! hahaha.... K~ i sort of cheated cos i weighed myself BEFORE i ate anything early in the morning.... so after meals i'm probably >50kg~ but still.... yay. Unfortunately, i might be having some slight eating disorder. LOL. i actually feel GUILTY when i eat rice/carbo. =X bleh~ i'm an unhealthy bitch now. but 6 more days, then i'll have time to excercise, then i'll eat proper meals again.... i'm salivating thinking of wanton mee, curry rice, carrot cake, char kuay teow, etc...  I think it's been like 4months since i've actually eaten a bowl of rice. I did have a few scoops of rice the past few weeks, but not like a bowl-full for a proper meal.... I kept feeling guilty. TSKTSK. It's strange though, i can control carbo but i can NEVER control sweets.... i'm still eat popcorn, chocs, caramel biscuits, etc... =P
Oh well... after exams, i'll push myself to excercise and lose the flabs~ haha... i hope... or i might just be lazying around eating more chocs, reading more fanfiction. =P
6 more days of chionging..... Yup. i shall go mug now. =) SHERI STAY POSITIVE!
~MeHhz~

BYE WICKED

It just striked me that it's 23rd April already.
Wicked's gone from Singapore.
Yesterday was the last show.
Next stop is Korea...
Missed my chance to watch it a second time cos of FYP, exams and saving $$....
Bye David Harris (Fiyero), Jemma Rix (Elphaba), Suzie Mathers (Glinda)~
BYE WICKED~
T.T
~MeHhz~

before my third last

Home alone for 2 days cos parents are in malacca.
hard to find motivation to mug.
but i did try my best lol.
Completed all the lecture notes at least, and for the first time in my uni life, i'm turning to textbooks, for my biomaterials mod.... it's an interesting module, but knowing my capabilities, whatever i'm interested  in or put effort in, will never lead to an A or even B+. It's impossible in NUS. For 4 years, i've been trying. this last sem, i'm trying again. but i hold not hopes.

Studied with yw on sunday and caught Battleship with her. =) and Battleship was awesome. Seriously. It might be cos i read the reviews that said it wasn't good, so i didn't have much expectations..... and thus i found the movie awesome: funny at the right parts, awesome action at other parts. Cool mecha stuff that appeals to suckers like me. Haha.... and Rhianna is just too cool. haha.

Sigh..... 3 final exams. mugged for 2. but only contents of 1 went into my head. Rawr. I should go mug.
~MeHhz~

the last 10days....

Yup, 10 more days to end of exams.
Been tempted by hunger games, and the MANY ebooks i copied from jy....
But i SHALL NOT be tempted.
Been mugging harder than usual.
Cos this is my last chance, i don't wanna regret.
I may not do as well as others cos i'm not capable,
but at least i can say i did try my best.

Thanks to hweesh for recommending com1, recess week has been rather shuang to stay in the cold aircon com1 and mug with toilets, water coolers and canteen sooo nearby. With john and jy providing entertainment when i'm sick of mugging. i need to mug more, and be more efficient though. ARGH. esp when i'm home this weekend.
last 10 days... CHIONG AH~

btw, fyp presentation was over.. kena shot at. and i think i was a bit too defensive... hmm... dunno.. it's over, forget it. haha... shall pray hard and hope for the best this sem.

*runs back to studying polymers...*
~MeHhz~

presentation over

Yup, FYP presentation over.
Not very well done.
But it's over and done with.
Some minor edits for my thesis to be done,
before i send it in for final submission.
3 papers to go....
and then my 16 years of study will be over.
Feeling kinda nostalgic.
I don't wanna regret, so i'm gonna put in more effort.
Esp for these last 3 papers.
Fanfic stopped.
But i have hunger games and it's 2 sequel in my comp.
HUGE temptation....
I'll probably spend Thurs to finish them all at once.

Feeling so sian as i type this.
Maybe cos i know i'm gonna miss school life.
miss all my dear friends. From RH, from engine.
*hugs them all*

And also, i'm still aimless in life.
still.
oh well, concentrate on exams first.
bye.

~MeHhz~

why is it when it's hectic week for me, shit comes knocking?
as if academic is not enough.....
and after everything, you tell me to ignore all that was said, and concentrate on studies. Like I can possibly just switch everything off.
absurd.
come on lah.
what do you want me to do?
i'm powerless.
seriously.
~MeHhz~

VERY LAST WEEK

The VERY LAST WEEK of my UNI LIFE.
Totally slacked today(mon).
Finished the fanfic of 115 chapters, each chapter taking about 30mins to complete.. haha. Totally hooked. Was supposed to do proj ppt slides, but ended up slacking.
Wanted to watch with yw THE VOW, but she has other dates with her colleagues, so decided to ask the RH pple.. Ended up everyone's so busy.
Not that it's a really nice movie or what, but i just had the 'want' to watch some sappy romance story, shed afew tears and smile at a happy ending. The vow seems like such a movie... Almost wanted to watch it alone.. But then decided to wait till recess week to catch it with RH pple.
But then, john didn't feel like mugging after his thesis submission, so we managed to catch it. haha. Thanks John for the company! XD

Overall, a rather sweet movie, sort of like The Notebook, though the notebook seemed to be more meaningful. But The Vow was more thought provoking imo. The Notebook showed us how love can last till an old age, through trials and tribulations. But The Vow inspired thought on how things can go wrong, but what is meant to be will be meant to be. The ending was sort of disappointing in the sense that it's not the normal kinda UBER happy ending, but it made sense. More sense than the usual chick flick. and a tiny part of it was on forgiveness. A minor character said: I stayed. I didn't leave because of the bad that he had done. I stayed because of all the good that he had done. I chose to forgive.
From the various adult couples i've seen, those in love, no longer in love, distrust existing between them, divorce, on the brink of divorce, etc etc etc... It kinda made me respect that character for being able to forgive and trust again.
But on to the main couple in the movie, the guy was just so sweet, but not overly sweet such that it's fake. He does stupid things as well to anger his 'wife', etc... the ending was a little abrupt, but i rather liked it. =) It's interesting, how life goes on.

Why dwell on the past, when u can create much more memories in future?

Haha. enough slacking. time to chiong for my last sem. Firstly, practice japanese oral. Secondly, prepare FYP slides. Thirdly, rehearse grp proj presentation. Fourthly, mug for FINALS!
~MeHhz~

regrets...

Sigh... Busy past month.
Missed Beauty and the Beast in 3D.
There're no more time slots... =(
SIGH.....
Maybe i should just rewatch the normal one i have again,
just to satisfy myself.
When i have the time. =X
~MeHhz~

alcohol

Koped the pics from calvin's fb.
We started with this:Ended with this:Haha... first time i tried so many diff types.
and they taste better than beer! in my noob opinion. XD haha.
~MeHhz~

I love RH life.

So... 31march was RH DnD. Final DnD i'm gonna attend in NUS. Basically bought the tix cos i'll be in the company of my 'family' of 4 years.... Food was soso, emcee and activities were not bad.. phototaking was camwhorish as usual. haha.
BEST PART: i'm allowed to stay over at RH for the night. So.......
Back in Hall at 11pm++ camwhored till 12+mn, then we all went to clean up...
gathered at samantha's room for a night of drinks and games. haha...
Yup.. DRINKs. Finally got the chance to 'test' my limits. Was actually feeling sick, with sore throat and slight flu... But after some goading, i ended up drinking jaggerbomb first.... And i think cos of the redbull in the mixture, i sort of felt better.... Continued drinking with them.... all sorts of mixture and types... AWESOME. LOL.
Not that i really like alcohol in particular, but for once i thought i'll like to test how far i can go b4 i'm drunk, and cos i'm with dependable friends, i know if i ever end up a crazy drunk, i'll be taken care off...
But then again..... after drinking quite alot for a first timer on empty stomach... I realised i don't lose my control when i'm drunk. I might laugh more, giggle more, but not go crazy and blurt out stuff... So i guess the option of 'drinking myself to forget sorrows and shit' is out, cos all i end up is feeling more sleepy and floaty, but not drunk till i don't know my bearings. Oh, and surprisingly, i don't get red in the face either!
It's quite comical/enjoyable to see drunk friends spouting nonsense, or just gathering together to have fun..... self appointed bouncers taking care of others, etc.... ended up stopping about 5+ cos i knew anymore, i'll probably not be able to walk to liling's room to sleep. Will probably collapse then and there... By then, alot of the guys who were chugging down alcohol like there's no tmr had already vomitted or 'closed shop'.... some returned to their rooms, some sat near toilets to puke, some just stoned somewhere.. haha...
In a moment of crazyness, liling and weiloon threw his mattress down from the 4th floor to the takraw court... and we just laid there chatting, watching stars... and then liling went to get her ukelele and laptop and we played and sang abit.... after hearing looi comment that vomitting now gives less chances of hangover the next day, i stopped controlling myself and went to vomit. LOL. twice.
I'm never gonna drink that much again. especially on an empty stomach. HAHA.... no fun when i don't get drunk or am still sober enough to feel the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. In the end, we slept at 7+, when the sun has risen.....
Had to wake up at 12+ cos i told my mum i'm sleeping at 2am the previous night, so i had no excuses to sleep in..... Stomach was still upset, but no hangover thank god. Just super sleepy... Lunched with john and abel while liling was still asleep, then i went home. haha...
ALL IN ALL, a new experience to drink without caring about parent's restrictions, a familiar feeling to live in hall, mix with old lovable friends and see their weird antics, an awesome closure to the final chapter of my NUS hall life despite not living in hall for the past 2 years.

No regrets. And my sorethroat/flu was GONE.
The wonders of alcohol+insufficient sleep. LOL.
~MeHhz~

crazy

Seriously, i'm such a crazy girl.
Or rather, i TOTALLY lack focus/determination.
Been reading fan fics non-stop these days....
and have been delaying my thesis report.
What could take 2 hours to edit ended up taking 5 hours.
I end up with 3-4 hours of sleep a day just cos i'm unable to focus and keep procrastinating... I'm starting to fall sick, i can just feel it. The dryness in the throat, occasional cough, slight feeling that fever is on the rise, etc... but oh wel... I'M FINALLY DONE WITH MY THESIS. Gonna print it out tmr, submit, and BYE BYE~ hahaha..
And i can have my beauty sleep tmr onwards. YAY!
~MeHhz~

*escapes

I just wanna lose myself in the world of fanfiction, or an AU, where there's no stress/expectations/work or what not.
I'm really good at escaping reality, but i know it doesn't last. Once the story is finished, i'm back to reality where deadlines approach at an even faster pace. And i'm growing older too. And where you can't be judged by solely 'you' but rather through comparisons with others.
Am i making sense? I dunno...
I'm just feeling a unfocused right now.
~MeHhz~

life

It feels like shit to know you can never live up to expectations.
To know that u're a failure when it comes to what they imagine you to be doing.
I don't hope for much in life other than a stable job with decent pay, my family and friends around me. But why is it that you seem to picture me as a high flyer. I DON'T have the abilities, nor the desire to be one. You talk lecture scold, as if i'm gonna be in an engineering company. But i don't even wish to be in one to tell the truth. Regardless, i'll try, but still.

It feels like shit to know that u'll ultimately fail to be the person your parents picture you to be, or hope u'll be in future.
~MeHhz~

blinks

eyes damn tired for staring at comp whole day.
what have i done?
NOTHING.
Finished 1 fanfiction, the 4 newest episodes of ANTM, facebook, and spur my WICKED cravings by watching youtube vids. Argh....
And pris is watching it on wed.... i cant make it. =(
And i'm still tempted to rewatch wicked. HAHA.
oh well~ you can't have everything u want in life.
I'm seriously pampered if i ever watch wicked twice, considering that i don't even work and earn moneh..... i should stop spending so much and save for the aussie trip.
HUNGER GAMES in 15hours time~ XD
~MeHhz~

rest

Finally done with FYP draft on mon morn 4am.
I just hope i won't die for plagarism cos i almost lifted off everything from the journal paper. But hey... the journal paper was the RESULT of my fyp... you can't expect me to rephrase all that shit just for the fyp report right?
On second thought, that might be what the prof wants. But oh well... We'll see how.. Hope he doesn't have a copy of that journal paper to compare. haha.

Anyway, this week is kinda like 'rest' week, where the pressure of projs ans school work is lifted slightly. I'll have till friday to leisurely mug and do my stuff. After that, it's chionging for midterm quiz and final thesis report when my draft critic is back. =)
Should start cutting down on unhealthy food again. haha.. i've been snacking on sweets ad chips non-stop while i churned out my thesis. blah.

I still feel like watching WICKED yet again. *sigh* but i've no moneh~
oh well.. shouldn't be greedy. To be able to watch it once is good enough. When i earn my own moneh, i'll totally save up for trips. First to go Orlando themeparks. Second for a trip with yw. Third, i'll save lots and lots of money to watch lots of musicals in Europe. XD
~MeHhz~

argh

can't help but feel pissed.
if u don't know the situation, don't give your imputs.
i have my suspicions, but am not going to blow it up.
there's a reason why i hold back.
and i don't regret doing so.
this just proves it.
maybe i'm thinking too much.
i dunno.
~MeHhz~

yatta!

yay!
grad trip to australia done!
feel sort of guilty for being so scheming.....
but then... i get to go!!
So yay! haha.
and they are paying for air flight!
*I KNEW $$ AIN'T THE PROB*
they were just against me going because they don't want me out of singapore... =.='' but oh well... don't care already!!! i get to go. haha.
SHERI GO DO THESIS NOW.
~MeHhz~

mehhhh

i know i've mentioned it b4... but,
I'M REALLY AWESOME AT PROCRASTINATION.
50page thesis draft due on fri, and i've only did the cover, summary, acknowledgment, etc... plus format. I've not started a bloody single page yet. and i'm not panicking. LOL.
3 more days. haha....
i'm crazy. i think.
~MeHhz~

yay? or too soon?

Haha... thank god, he says he'll think about it. haha....
not an outright no. XD
answer in a day or two~
*prays hard*
Thank god, my dear uncle, aquos, and friends who've listened to me rant. haha....
~MeHhz~

LOL

haven't asked. probably in an hour's time or so.
but i feel as if i'm going for some major exam. =.=''

shiawase no ichinichi =)

my day started at 12mn.... reading a new fanfiction. HAHA.
read till 6.30am. Slept for 2hrs.
Met yw @ coffee bean for breakfast @930am.
Chat till 1015, finished that fanfiction @11.
Started mugging all the way till 3:50pm.
'This Is War' movie at 4:10.
Laughed till 6pm. Took a bus home, dabao dinner.
Now for japanese hw. and thesis starts tmr.
Am totally satisfied today. I did study, i did do work.
Last point to make my day: permission to go australia.
Gonna ask my dad tonight.
Either i get scolded badly, or i get to go.
I wonder.....
~MeHhz~

dream.....

Haha.. i had a SUPER weird dream... I went to watch WICKED musical AGAIN, with yw. But I was the one who has watched it already and she's watching it for the first time.. and we had cat A seats. Unfortunately, when it came to 'dancing through life' scene, there were some technical problems and the lightings and props don't work. With that, they gave us a 20min interval with free reign along the shops outside the threatre such that any food 'purchase' was free. LOL. and there was this weird arrangement such that everytime there's an interval the seating arrangement changes, so we got to keep shifting. =.='' And due to technical probs they kept having 20mins intervals between songs, causing the performance to drag till past midnight. and we actually fell asleep during the performance... :X and totally missed the awesome part of defying gravity. =X But then, they also randomly grabbed audience up to the stage to dance with them and yw got chosen. LOL. and after everything, i managed to take pics with most of the cast! haha...
Totally lame dream. LOL. IF only i have the $$ and time to watch wicked again....
~MeHhz~

RAWR......

japanese midterms are OVAAAAA~!!!
now to start on thesis, eng mat midterms and kansobun.
urgh. 50pages thesis.
Just wanna list my days here so that i've a rough idea how little time i have. DAMN.
Fri grp prj, thesis summary, eng mat notes,
Sat for eng mat,
Sun thesis +jap hw,
Mon thesis,
Tues thesis,
Wed jap hw + thesis
Thurs thesis
Fri thesis.

Zzz... not counting the fri (16th), i have 5 days for thesis. considering that i have 10 pages of interim report, i'll have 40pages left. Divided by 5 days, a freakin 8pages of thesis left to write per day. I AM SO DEAD. Will probably skip LAJ lecture on thurs, etc.... urgh. shall sleep early today to recharge from japanese midterms...then start chionging tmr.
~MeHhz~

wash my hands off!

I TOTALLY wash my hands off FYP coding already!
was told to pass my proj to some poly intern guy to continue... haha...
So i don't have to do anything anymore...
Time to start on that 50page thesis report.... yippeeeeee!

Poor guy, he got the worst part, but also the part which gives you the most sense of achievement once it's done.... But still since he's entering this proj halfway... he has lots to pick up.. Poor thing. and he's not a computing student either, but from biomedical science... haha... i wish him luck.

I'm tired, shall try to sleep early today, and mug for thurs midterms tmr. =)
~MeHhz~

expectations

It gets tiring sometimes, when others expect so much from you and yet don't return shit.
and they come shoot at you like u're supposed to be bloody perfect.
i've come to the point that makes me wonder, what is to be expected from those around you.
Is it wrong to expect just some understanding or what?
There's so much expectations piled on you, by so many diff people, expecting you to meet their each and every demands. Any right you do, is taken for granted. Any wrong step earns you a scolding, a lecture, a minus point, you get condemned.
But they always forget, that you're not bloody perfect. There's always a limit to patience, to expectations, to helpfulness, to everything. They expect you to be everything they want, when they are not.
That's how freakin unfair life is.
Is it too much to expect the same treatment? of cos. cos whatever 'treatment' you gave them was taken for granted, not remembered, so the 'same' treatment will be the negative things you've done to them. how 'great'.
and no one bloody remembers that you're a girl who's susceptible to PMS-ing, not a bloody perfect being who's supposed to have no tempers, speak gently, and be docile.
FML.

There's a quote i read: Those who are cold hearted, once cared greatly.
i think i might be reaching that point soon. maybe.
Sometimes i ask myself, why bother?
~MeHhz~

*PANICSSSSSS*

HAHAHAHA...
Oh shit.
i just realised how LITTLE time i have left for fyp....
5 days to totally complete my fyp. DIE.
12 days to complete my thesis draft. DIE.
24 days to complete my FINAL thesis. DIE.
meanwhile, jap midterms in 4 days.
Engineering materials midterms in 11 days.
Biomaterials midterms in 23 days....
My midterms ALL 1 day before duedates of the thesis stuff... =.=''

8march - jap
9march - end fyp labs
15march - eng materials
16march - fyp draft due
27march - biomat
28march - final thesis due

HAHAHA..... my march is THE BEST! and i'm still floating along week after week... Zzz....
I'm actually panic-ing cos i don't feel stressed enough. :X
~MeHhz~

updateeeeee

Been a rather busy week.....
Managed to get my uncle's help to persuade my dad...
But first i have to have some htht with my dad first.. but i'm damn scared, his mood is always fluctuating... not sure when i can find a suitable timing to talk with him... Sigh....
School is getting more and more hectic... due dates coming up, midterms coming up, everything is piling..... SIGH....
it's my final year, i wanna do well... and i'm stressing myself up.
=.=''
anyway, i should go do fyp already. :x

~MeHhz~
"Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in...."
"Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart"
-quoted from I'm not that Girl, WICKED.

oh yah.

and i forgotten to blog this:
I LOVE AQUOS!!! So much!! haha...

It never fails to amaze me how seldom we meet up. like MONTHS past before we find a day in our busy schedule for ALL of us to meet up, and we chat, crap, have fun, as if we're old friends... Oh wait. we ARE old friends... XD I love how i can just sink into comfort everytime i'm with you guys... no worries about not being accepted, etc.... The same applies to outings with yw too. =)

RH friends are a different matter somehow, cos i LIVED with them, so it sort of speeds up how close or at ease we become when we're with each other, but still, sometimes, cos of this and that... the awkwardness is still there.. depending on the pple. haha. but they're another comfortable grp. =)

thank god for all the friends around me. =)
~MeHhz~

ACTION

So. I've tried asking my dad to allow me to go for grad trip the last time. I got hell. verdict was that i can't go ANYWHERE, even malaysia. I ranted to my friends, complained about it, and gave up.
But i met aquos today. Friends of 10 years. They just came from natas fair, are going to australia, and i'm like elphaba (lame, k i know) COMPLETELY GREEN with envy. I thought i hardened my heart and shut in all my wants and it'll be okay. But seeing Indy plan for newzealand trip, engine peeps plan for taiwan trip, SEP pics on fb, etc.... and today's meeting with aquos planning for aussie trip was the last straw.

I WANT TO GO FOR A GRADUATION TRIP. I WANT!!!!!

So i'll stop bitching and start plotting.
Step one: choose the company which my parents trust the most, which is aquos. (i don't really care if i'm with indy or aquos, both are equally enjoyable and if given the choice, i'll go for both. But i'm still closer to aquos and have yet been on a trip with them while I went to melaka with indy.)

Step two: seek the opinions of someone whom my dad might listen to, which is my 4th uncle. (i'm only afraid he forwards the email/tells my dad i did this behind his back, but i'm taking that risk - it's worth it)

Step three: ask my friends to email my dad when most of the stuff are confirmed... hopefully 3 cute, guai, matured, dependable young WOMEN can soften my dad's heart. haha.

Step four: act (or i should actually do that) hardworking and guai for the rest of this semester.

step five: pray hard.

I just might be able to go..... But i shouldn't keep my hopes up lest it just gets slams down like the last time. Done the first 2 steps. Step 3 will probably be done in a week or so.... Step 4 and 5 starts tonight.

CHIONG AH~
~MeHhz~

yayyyy~

FYP meeting over... I know i didn't complete much.. But once i got started on it, it gets interesting all over again. =) So i probably (maybe) won't procrastinate so much already... haha... next meeting on tues again.

Oh and i forgotten to mention, i was youtubing wicked clips too and realised Adam Lambert acted as Fiyero b4! But then.... Although i used to like him as a singer, i still think david harris did a better job in singing.... adam lambert's version seemed abit amatuer-ish (and on the plump side HAHA)... david harris seems more steady and confident but not bodering on the proud side like adam lambert's version... *shrugs* I'm probably biased. =P haha.

Prolly gonna sleep now~ wash toilet tonight, mug biomaterials tmr! why does recess week seem so short!??! It's almost half gone!!!
~MeHhz~

WICKED

there goes the 128bucks~
But it was TOTALLY worth it, especially watching 'defying gravity' and 'dancing through life' LIVE. haha.... one of the HANDSOMEST FIYERO i've seen.... XD Haha... After the whole thing, david harris, aka fiyero, was at the shop promoting his CD also... the sentence running through my head was just: omg fiyero is so shuai, omg fiyero is so shuai, omg fiyero is so shuai! haha...

Anyway, fan-girling aside..... (didn't bother to queue to take pic with him though haha) I've 6hours to do the fyp stuff which i should have done since last week. =P sigh.. procrastinate again and again... =.='' my fault. rawr~
~MeHhz~

thinking....

I've come to the stage in this semester where my motivation engine is in sleep mode.... Having been disciplined since the begining of this sem, i'm rather burnt out now.... thank god for this coming recess week. Sat and half of sunday will be to slack and re-energize myself... then FYP for tues meeting. Mon will be burnt for japanese proj.

Back to being addicted to fanfiction again. Erps. It's just too addictive an avenue, where i can forget all the stress and pressures i'm facing. RAWR. I should stop soon. Instead of mugging/sleeping, i'm reading reading reading, and my eyes don't even have sufficient rest. Sigh... Kk.. after this weekend, i'll stop. For a week or so? till i catch up on my school work? haha.. no idea.

Anyway, it's only feb and i could barely rmb my new year resolutions. took a quick glance at what i typed and realised i was not even sticking to my resolutions. argh. haha... shall try harder after this weekend. last sem already. CHIONG AH.
~MeHhz~

V day!

It's vday tmr again! i used to feel the hype in JC and hall, but now it's like naahh.... no biggie.
Haha..... fyp due again on friday... but i'm sooooo sian to start on it.. erps. Probably pushing it to wed free day.. haha... dunno.

It certainly feels as if i'm blogging more often... guess it's to sort out my thoughts sometimes, although i realised the past few posts seem to be on the more depressing side. I feel like an attention seeking bitch emo-ing. =P But oh well, that's the reason i don't spread my blog around. Only those who ever asked me knows about it. And I sincerely wanna thank those who actually indulge me when i seem to be suffering from boughts of self-pity or what not. haha....

Time for action and less of complaining! =) Finally completed the japanese brochure i need to do for jap proj. Just a few minor editings and printing it in A3. Now on to mugging for biomaterials and then sleep early! Prolly mug in the morn tmr b4 eng materials lecture.... and then i'll be up to date with my work, except for FYP. haha.... Gogogo~
~MeHhz~
HAPPY VDAY TO ALL MY ATTACHED FRIENDS!! Aquos, yw, yk, brandon-jean, uday?, and anymore that i can't think offhand. XD

Have Faith

I realised that this year's a year for decisions for both my bro and I.
While i'm graduating and searching for a job, My bro's contract is ending and he's deciding btw job switch, full time study or same job part time study.

Decisions decisions decisions.
Haven't trusted myself in making decisions since i entered uni. Everything i've decided seems to be a bad choice, from choosing mech eng, to not selecting japanese minor, to not joining NUS ccas, etc...
Still, the lord has guided me since i was young and other decisions turned out rather positive, like choosing CCAs in sec school and TPJC, taking up pop piano for that short period, etc....

I know i'm rather lacking faith in myself, my abilities and my character. But still, i should have faith in the lord right? As long as i try my best, he'll guide me through this year. So sheri, buck up, stop procrastinating, do your best for all modules and enjoy ur last semester in uni!

meh.... Single Awareness Day (aka S.A.D) coming up soon.....
And i'm still the only one single within AQUOS and yw's attached as well.
haha... it's kinda ironic how i'm only one in engine and surrounded by guys but i'm the one who's not attached while they are. But oh well... i guess that's life, and it's my fault for not having the courage to step out of my comfort zone to mix around.
Sometimes i do wonder who i am exactly, that happy friendly fat and low CAP (aka stupid) girl everyone sees, or someone who's worth more than that.

Still life goes on and there's nothing i can do but to work harder and try to boost my self confidence. Have faith in the lord, and just try my best.
Last sem ganbatte!
~MeHhz~

Tired eyes

Lotsa stuff to do... But my eyes are just sooo tired of staring at the comp.
Stuff to do: Resume, edit journal paper of FYP, fix the new .exe file to alpacia web, set up amazon web, pamphlet for japanese kids....
Thsose above need to be done by staring at the comp... and my eyes are sooo soo tired....
Can't wait to mug my notes instead... but the comp stuff are those with deadlines.... RAWR.

Anyway, wanted to rant last time, but i've sort of cooled down alittle. It's just that i wonder when i'll find the courage to go against them. Curfew is seriously ridiculous. EVERY single time i'm out with my friends, i need to check the time, i can't stay with them till the end, i've to leave halfway.... Walking away from them, just to go home. It gets really upsetting after awhile, when u realise u've never had a chance to go out without the pressure of time at your back. You've gotta miss activities, esp the later ones that friends find a place to sit and chill. Chill, not meaning drinking, but simply sit and chat and bond. And that's the time u're missing.

And then comes the job. My dad asked why i'm going to school if i've no lessons. My answer was just that there's a career fair. Then he thought i went to one b4, so i just answered that no, that was a talk on how to write resume. And what did he say: Aiya, resume useless lah, you don't even have any past experiences, what resume do you need?
Like WTF? every job application needs a resume. And who's to blame for me not haveing past experiences? Me, for not being able to heck his wishes and find a job? Or him, for restricting me from working? So anyway, i was telling him resume does not only include past experiences, but can include blah blah blah.... Then he was like, all those no need lah, they'll only see your technical skills. WTF. So my answer was, what if i'm no applying for technical job? THEN, he started his rant on how i'm wasting my 4 years of education andmoney if i'm not gonna apply for an engineering job, and i better apply for one and improve my technical skills, blah blah.. WHAT SHIT. SO even my job choice has to be controlled by him?! WTF. Because of that, seriously, i'm probably applying for job vacancies in Japan. Obviously i may not get it, but if by any chance that i do, i'm seriously thinking about going.

And then came friends. Meng was going for an overseas SEP, and the rest was gonna send him off. His flight was at 12mn, so they were meeting at 10pm. I knew, my parents wouldn't allow me, but i wanted to see how inflexible they actually were, so i said we're meeting at the airport at 8pm for dinner instead. Told them i'l be back b4 10+, since dinner is at 8pm. (And it's a fri night so no school the next day) What was their answer? No need to go lah.... who else is going? so late u go for what? And ah, no need to mix so much with them lah, you meet yw can already.
Like WTF!? these are the only close guy sec school classmates i have and u're now what? filtering my friends for me? What shit.

Just how much of my life do they really wanna control? Just because they think something is good for me doesn't mean that they can control every aspect of my life. Even today, there's movie outing with nus friends. And i'm not allowed. mum said: shouldn't you be mugging hard. others are smart, so they have the time to go out. But u're not.
Okay fine. i always told them that i'm stupid and my friends are smart, so my results are shit and theirs are not. But seriously, you don't have to rub it in my face. Fine, accepted i should stay home and do my work, so i didn't argue with her about this outing. But what really irks me is that i'm TWENTY TWO going TWENTY THREE this year, and i've to ASK PERMISSION to step out of the fucking house. Others just tell ( or maybe don't even have to tell) their parents that their going out, and maybe where. But i've to ASK PERMISSION to get out of this jail-like home and more often than not, it's a no during school semesters.

I can't wait to work, and depend on myself. I know i'l have more prob with my parents then, cos they'll think: oh... so u have money now, you don't have to listen to us. you think just because u work, u're such an adult and you don't have to respect us (if i ever go against them)...
I KNOW that's what they'll think, so i'm sort of dreading that moment too. It's not that i don't respect them or that i'm think i'm great after i've $$ or what shit. But it's just that they're holding on too tightly. When will they let go?
~MeHhz~

i sometimes wonder how old my parents think i am

kinda sian and pissed now, but i've 10am lessons tmr, and lessons till 8pm.
Gotta go sleep. Can't blog much.
kinda wanna rant non-stop these days.
wanna just do everything my way instead of taking into account of THEIR feelings, thoughts and views.
sick and tired of being told to do this, that, being restricted etc..
ARGH.
Shall rant more tmr if i have time.
First, curfew, then job, then friends.
For fuck's sake, any more stupid restrictions, i'll really just find a bloody job out of singapore and get away from everything.
~MeHhz~

oh well....

Finally completed japanese stuff... so much to do!!
Gotta chiong fyp tmr... hopefully supervisor can't make it on friday (cross my fingers). Yes, i'm a lazy bum. I've reached the point in FYP were i've done soooo much that i've burnt out. My task now is to research and figure out amazon webservices and to choose the right database provider, how to link webserver to the elastic cloud, etc etc etc... i have NO IDEA about them. I read, i see technical terms, i google, i read the articles, i see more technical terms, i google, i read, see more technical terms, get them all mixed up, i google, and then i'm totally blur. I repeat the cycle, and see lotsa tabs open, and get all blur all over again... RAWR.
kk.... Tmr i'll burn midnight oil to chiong if i'm meeting supervisor on fri. Else, i'll use the weekend to really sit down and digest EVERYTHING. ARGH. I've given up on going to career fair tmr. or rather later today. lessons from 10-8pm with 1-2pm break, and 4-6pm break. At most only an hour, and i'll have to wear formal for that. Argh... GIVE UP DESU. Shall just go for the one next wed.
SHERI GO SLEEP NOW!
~MeHhz~

*sniffles*

haha... so much for telling my supervisor i got fever..
Ends up, i've flu... sneezing non-stop today... super cold... Brrr..
Anyway, lotsa stuff to do, but i just feel so sian of EVERYTHING.
Things to complete tmr:
- Japanese writings (2 to do)
- Vocal Quiz
- Memo conversation
- FYP (i can't stop pushing it away)
- Resume
RAWR.
~MeHhz~
PS: sorry if i was rude today (lunchtime) or seem pissed. Was feeling kinda sick and just didn't have the mood to joke around. Sorry!! Don't grudge me pls.

girl friends

It's really nice to know that once in awhile, you have girl friends to chat with, catch up with, and even share your innermost thoughts with. I'm might bitch about life and stuff, but deep down, i know i'm contented. Contented to have that small circle of friends around me, from different parts of my life, to share stories with, and confide in.
Yet another friend is attached.... I'm glad for her!! =) gonna get 'details' this wed. haha....

I'm a lazy bitch. haha... Procrastination will be the death of me... Meeting fyp supervisor tmr, but i've not done a single thing. Spent the whole day today mugging other subjects/modules, rather than doing fyp. So? I chose the easy way out: sms that i'm sick and set another date to meet her.

I think she's gonna be pissed with me. =P Ooops.
~MeHhz~

CNY

Not in malacca this year....
Missing out the usual fun @ the graveyard in the morn of the first day of cny, the awesome breakfast at the mamak stall, and seeing the little rascal joachim running around playing.....
But Singapore's not that bad too.... just abit sian with FYP hanging at the back of my mind. Oh well..... i guess it's the same for all final years.
Started on a new drama 步步惊心, all thanks to my mum for intro-ing (singapore channel is currently airing it) and for it to be available on youtube. :X haha... busy this coming weekend again, since relatives are coming to my place. Soo much things to do. And school work is slowly piling up while i waste time watching the new drama (thanks mum).
Argh... it's my fault that i can NEVER resist chionging dramas, but only nice ones.... and i just found out from liling this drama has a sad ending... ='( shit..... i hate sad endings... oh well.. it's too nice to stop halfway now. :X
Fri: read lecture notes, revise japanese
Sat: relatives come = clean house
Sun: start fyp?? visit uncle/friend??
Mon: CHIONG fyp again.
Tues: fyp meeting.ZZzzzz...
I'm tired... been surviving on 3-4 hours of sleep the past 2 days.. time to go sleep lo~
~MeHhz~

sugar diet.

Haha.... I can resist normal food, but never sweet stuff.
Anyway, i had the strangest 'diet' today...
8am, a packet of milo. 11am a slice of wholemeal bread that was supposed to be breakfast. 12noon, starbucks iced green tea latte grande which lasted till 5pm while i mugged, munching 6 choc chip biscuits too... Finally decided to eat some proper food for 'lunch' or early dinner. Mixed veg rice, without rice. LOL. Ended up with 2 kinds of veg plus tofu. went for 6-8pm lecture, then ate the remaining 4 choc chip biscuits in my bag on the way home. Couldn't resist a bar of chocolate while watching tv at 11pm.
So there. My food for today.... mostly filled with sugary stuff. erps. and i've put on the weight i lost in USS. haha... Oh well... time to stick to the stringent diet again. hopefully can lose that 1 kg in 3days b4 CNY. =P
Officially 51kg now. lost 8kg since mid-oct 2011. yayness. 2 more to go to hit 49, 6 more to go to hit 45. I wonder how long i can resist good food. Will probably end up putting on weight soon due to cny~ Oh well.... *shrugs* I should be able to stick to less food once school gets sooo busy that i don't think of food. haha...
~MeHhz~

updateeeeeee

So today's tuesday.... 2nd week of school.
I'm happily mugging (slacking) in starbucks YIH.
I think i'm probably going to enjoy this semester the most, with 2 modules on materials, engineering and biomedical materials, jap 3 which i might end up s/u-ing, and fyp which just gets more difficult.
But at least i'm interested in these modules.....

Was thinking about not graduating this semester, to do 1 more semester to pull my cap up to 3.2 to get at least a thrid class honours. Is it worth it? maybe not... 6 more months of school fees to pay, restrictions by parents, etc... I'll probably just graduate after this sem. Haha...

CNY in 6 days.... I'm not going to malacca this year already.. cos my dad's out working. Stay in signapore! and there goes half my ang bao $$ haha..... Oh well... at least I won't be soooo busy travelling etc... Still... it's only the 2nd week of sem and i feel like it's the 5th week or so. Sooooo many things to do!!!

K.... i've procrastinated enough... time to start on fyp. meeting supervisor on thurs morn....

HMM.... Is funny how my best friends in sec school are taking the same mods as my best friends in hall.... Pris with hweesh, jacq with john.... And i've NEVER taken a single module together with them. =.='' rawr. JEALOUS!!! hahaha...... Oh well.... who asked me to choose engine... =.=''
~MeHhz~

=)

Went to USS with Hweesh, Liling, John, Jiayon, Li heng.
Although i've been there before, i didn't mind going again cos there's the transformers ride! Even managed to take that 3 times... worth the money going again, especially since we went for ALL the other rides as well, regardless whether they were kiddy or not. Plus, we caught the fireworks at night too! Only ride left that i didn't take is the canopy one in the lost world. Oh well. no luck Maybe next time if i ever go with my relatives. =)
Basically, with their company, it took my mind off yesterday's matters. I don't feel so down anymore. =) It felt abit weird though, cos i didn't really know liheng at all, but then again, we were in a group, so it's rather easy to mix.

playtime over. time to start on fyp and be serious this sem. gotta find a job to support myself, etc... Jia you sheri!

~MeHhz~

PS: It's gonna be a strange year for me, but i'll try to cope. Job search won't be easy. But i have to have more faith in myself. I grew up thinking more about others, worrying for them etc. This year, just this year, I'm going to be a more selfish girl and put myself first. I don't mean that in the literal way, but rather, i should be doing what i like/want rather than giving in to the demands and expectations of others. As long as i do try my best.

I promise

The moment i've saved 3K after i've work, i'm going overseas.

I won't depend on my parents for any fucking money anymore.

No asking for extra for transport, for textbook, for necessities.

I'll scrimp and save and depend on the monthly pocket money from now on.

I'm such a dumbass for ever hoping my dad could understand.

Wake up sheri.

The minute u're still in tampines blk259, u're forever restricted.

Just asking, cannot say cannot lah.

Go around critisizing the places, the bagpacking, that my friends are stupid for going these places, that i've already gone to japan and given an inch, i want a yard. FUCK LAH.

I'm tempted to snap back that i can easily go without spending your stupid money, but i know the problem's not with money but with travelling. I'm bloody giving u respect by not shoving money back in ur face.

What do i get in return? banned from going anywhere. Malaysia also cannot go.

HAHA... like i could go last time. like i could go if i wanted to. like you EVER allowed me.

Maybe you counted malacca, but i don't.

My Resolution: Travel around as much as possible once i start working.

I'll even shift out of home if i can afford it.

~MeHhz~

I can't resist ranting more.... So i shall continue.

He actually said next time i work and earn my own money and go to those stupid places myself. Ha! be assured. I WILL. anyway, it'll probably be about a 6-8months delay grad trip to me. =) It may be short, i may end up going alone. but i'm depending on myself at least. He better not stop me then. Else, i'll really just shift out of house.

Pple think i'm lucky to have a family that dotes on me.
They don't know how jailed up it can be.

FYP interim presentation

HAHAHAHAHAHA.....
Omg.... my external supervisor is damn crazy!!! HAHAHA....
The examiner pointed out an area which he is concerned with, then before i can answer, my external supervisor cut in and said, "Actually....." .
Then he continued, " Can i answer the question?"
HAHAHA.... the examiner was STUNNED. LOL!!!!
then my prof faster cut in and say it's better for me to answer it myself....

And before this, my prof asked my supervisor if he has any comments. His reply was: I know her work, so there's not much i can question. I'll say the presentation was well done.

LOL!!!! What a bias supervisor i have!!! hahaha...

And then near the end, the examiner actually said my english was good.
O.O
GOOD! haha... Whew.... at least i'm assured now, that i can switch between singlish and proper english when needed. =P I'm gonna rub it in my dad's face when i'm home! XD HAHAHA....

I'mma lucky girl! =)
~MeHhz~

=)

First day of school tmr.
Excited? not really... I've no lessons tmr anyway, just a rehearsal for my interim presentation at 5pm. I'm suddenly feeling very calm ever since i finished my interim report.... I should be panicking at the not-done-ppt-slides... But somehow i'm just drifting along.... haha...
Oh well, interim is just a presentation to introduce my fyp to the profs... so chill.. no panics...

Though i might say that now, i'm sure i'll start shaking with nerves tmr... haha.

Anyway, met indy for cc's bday dinner at suntec fish & co. 3.5 years of friendship.... we're all 4th years now.. struggling through fyp, talking about jobs, seeing friends get married, etc.... I'm always thankful that i made an effort to stay in touch with them despite not living in RH anymore. They were my first group of friends i made in uni, lived with, played with, studied with. =)

first week of school! here i come!

Been listening to Kurt Schneider's vids. His piano gives me chills~ simple melody/accompaniment, but still professional sounding, seemingly effortless. and very real.
~MeHhz~

hahaha~

I'm pro at delaying... seriously!
Spring cleaning pushed to wed. =P
Interim report left with 1 page plus neaten references.
And I was watching ANTM all stars cycle this morn from 3am to 7am++ instead of doing interim report~ So pro right....
Oh well.. i'm almost done. 1 more page to go, then click send~ to my prof.
Tmr do ppt slides... Should be quite fun to deco.
That should be all. =)
~MeHhz~

rawrrrrr

tmr must chiong chiong chiong already! 30% done.
i've sat to do the report as well cos spring cleaning delayed till sun.
But i need the time to do ppt slides as well......
sooo.... tmr! must try to finish the report!
Or at least do 90% of it.
busy week! report tmr.
Slides on sat. Sun spring clean
Monday do fyp website.
Get the website done by wed latest.
And then school starts...... =(
But then, i'm glad cos i get to meet all my friends again. =)
~MeHhz~

pro at procrastination

That's me!
interim report not started on yet...
Assumed i have the whole week to do.
But i realised my prof called for pre-presentation on mon, so i need to finish report asap, then start on ppt slides. But i still need to take apart my desktop (as requested by my dad), do spring cleaning (as requested by mum), and clean my room (as deemed by me), plus wash toilet....
Wha..... school hasn't started and i've so much to do already...
GOGOGO!!!!
~MeHhz~

2011 - 2012

I'm a day late at posting. =X
2011 was generally an okay year.
Although it started off with popo passing away in Jan, but i know she's happily in heaven now, and not suffering from all the aches or discomfort that comes with old age. My 2011 new year's resolution was to concentrate on studies, study hard. I guess i could say i put in quite alot of effort. But somehow it doesn't seem enough. My CAP did improve, but it's by that teeny weeny bit that doesn't make much of a difference. FYP came in the second half of the year. I know my supervisors are well satisfied with my work. I'm proud of myself for putting in that huge amount of effort to learn so much new things and produce satisfying results for them. But it all still doesn't seem enough. I was emo-ing most parts of 2011, trying to find my path in life as i grow up and realise i'm about to step into the working world and that i cannot simply give studies as an excuse to close myself up and surround myself with just family, friends and studies.

I guess 2012's new resolution would be to find my road in life.

So firstly: try my best in all i do.
And not have regrets for anything i've done or choices i've made. Do my best for this final semester and find a job i like. No taking easy way out and stuff like that.

secondly: lose more weight.
i've gained 1.5kg after eating 2 days of proper meals. life is unfair. I'm sick of being put down or compared. But sitting on my butt and wasting my time away ain't gonna make me feel better. The least i can do is try. I can't curb my addiction for chocolates, but i can cut carbo and try to stop being lazy and actually exercise. I'll try. (I hope. My weight has been stagnant for 2 weeks. damn.)

thirdly: find my interest and work towards it.
What's my interest? I still have no idea. closest thing i can come to is probably music. So maybe i should start picking up piano again. I dunno. I'm still pondering on what am i actually interested in.

fourthly: Gain confidence.
Uni life has totally killed my confidence. Being surrounded by awesome pple can be rather taxing on my self-evaluation. It's like, sometimes i feel so worthless. Good for nothing. But i'm trying, slowly, to rebuilt my confidence. If i can't be good at something, or be smart, i can try to work harder, or at least have a slightly more positive attitude. I shall try.

Just 4 resolutions. Not that simple, but i'll try.

So before i welcome 2012, it's time for the customary thank you.

Firstly to engine peeps, who help me survive my school days. In particular, brandon who took modules with me and don't mind doing labs/projs with the dumb me. For being so direct with his words that sometimes i realise life is more simple then i imagine. and for being irritating sometimes that makes engine mods less dull. Eveline for still keeping me updated with j-dramas and stuff to keep the monotonous study life colourful. Jean for intro-ing me sherlock *grins* and having that awesome attitude that never fails to amaze me and motivate me to be more independent. Yk for asking if i'm okay when i'm down and encouraging me on.

Next, to Indy peeps for bringing endless joy and laughter to my life. Hweeshan for always helping me with computing stuff, for always giving sound advice and for that positive attitude you always have that spurs me to ask myself why am i complaining while you are working hard for your dreams. John for all the lame/weird/awesome antics you do to bring that much needed joy and fun into our lives, for showing me that hardwork always pays off, for those chats on psych and how we behave, prompting me to think deeper into the meaning of life and how we shouldn't just waste lives away doing nothing. Jiayong for helping me with accounting, always sharing job advices, intro-ing good food, and being there to frown upon us when we joke too much instead of mugging. Liling for showing me how disciplined one can be by organising RH concert and mugging for modules, for showing me that it is possible to juggle both studies and ccas well. Kevin for asking me why i'm emo when i'm emo, and all the movies i copied from him! Abel for the occasional help in programming, and always saying the weirdest yet entertaining things.

Also, to AQUOS, for being there ALWAYS. Despite not meeting up often, despite all of us being soooooo busy, we always find time to meet for birthdays and stayovers. For giving me an unforgettably enjoyable childhood.

To 2G clique that never fails to amaze me how funny u guys can all be, for inviting me to meetings that always brightens up my day. For somehow being closer friends to me now compared to when we were younger.

Last but not least, to Yw, for being the sister i never had, for listening to me rant on several issues, for watching movies with me, for sharing with me your joys and probs. For everything these past 10 years of friendship have blessed me with.

Most importantly, to my family who loves me and pampers me, although they can sometimes be either overprotective or overbearing. Not to forget God, who has blessed me with all the above people in my life and has watched over me this whole year, guiding my choices and giving me chances.

Thank you.

Now on to 2012. First thing is to start working on the FYP interim report which i have yet to start. I shall aim to finish it within this week. Will be independent and watch sherlock alone in the cinema on tues. Will be meeting 2G clique on wed. yay.
~MeHhz~