thanks, for listening to me.
for being there. *hugs*

yet again, once i'm home, i've got to face it.
fml.

why me.

bah.

i suddenly remembered why i have a love-hate relationship with holidays.
i think i'll be looking forward to school sooner than i thought.
~MeHhz~

owarimashita!

Exams for sem7 are over FINALLY.
K, put in effort during the sem but sort of lost motivation when it's exam time... Hopefully i don't do too badly. :X now it's fyp left.... mon to meet my prof... sigh...
BUT! I don't care! I just ended exams today!! yayayayayay~!!!!
Feeling damn tired (survived on 3 hours of sleep), but i'm happily facebooking and reading fanfics. basking in freedom for the moment, don't wanna go and sleep yet.
To celebrate the end of exams, went to vivo with john and hweesh~ Was sort of stoning, but still enjoyed it! it's been ages since i really walked around vivo to see stuff and chitchat, rather just rushing to the movies then dinner and home like always... was randomly walking around with john, then met up with hweesh for awesome german lunch. tried pork knuckles and sausage platter! then we watched puss in boots! window shopped abit, going into bookshops (seeing weird titles), toys'r'us (playing with toys), national geographic, basically to sit and nua, then decided to go bakerzin for tea.... Had to go home after that (curfew -.-'') but still, i had fun. EXAMS ARE OOOVAARR!!!
Just a thought: the kids toys these days are sooooo nice!!! i'm jealous!
haha~ kk.. time to bathe and slack!
~MeHhz~

awesome

i think i'm awesome. Exam tmr morn 9am.
7chapters to mug.
I'm only at the first chapt.
How awesome can i get?
~MeHhz~
probably end up S/U-ing the mod. :X

focus

I just can't focus.
i was supposed to be prepared for the module. But till now, i'm only 20% done for my cheat sheet. my mind keeps wondering to various stuff and problems i can't help but think about. I distract myself with one-shot fanfictions. i turn back to my cheatsheet after a story, and my mind gets distracted again after 15mins or so.
SIGH.
come on sheri.... concentrate. 2 more days!
Don't fail.
~MeHhz~

@#*

no sense of responsibility despite your age.
sod off.

Carolling~

Walked past a group of sec school carollers in Tampines1.
First reaction i had (in my mind) was: OMG. Carolling!
Second: Ah!! this song!! i sang b4.
Third: yay~ sings along softly.
Fourth: OMG... i miss carolling!!

I AM looking forward to joining choir carolling now~ haha.. totally miss the experience of joyfully singing songs tgt in a choir. Thank god for RH that i can always go back and join them as alumni. Though this year, cos of FYP, i might not be able to go... =( See how first bah.

2 more papers to go for exams.... kinda slack this sem for exam preparations. During the semester, i chionged, but now i just feel so sick of all these. It's a bad period to start slacking of, but sigh..... Oh well... I'll try to hang on till sat! TRY....
~MeHhz~

if.

if this is what growing up means, i hope i've never grown up.
to accept the possibility of the once-thought impossible, to be surrounded by negative thoughts and yet go on in life as if all is fine and well, to have to face heavier responsibilities that you can never shirk or actually turn to someone else about.
but alas, this is life.
Turning to fanfictions gives me temporary relief, to innocently live in fantasy storylines where happily ever after is always possible.
Can i not grow up and open my eyes to the realities of this world?
if only.....
~MeHhz~

brain dead.

Totally not absorbing tmr's module. I hope i don't fail.
It's open book. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, let me scrape a B-???
Or C+.... i'll be happy.
Brain totally not functioning. Thank god japanese was rather doable today.
Sigh. shall sleep early, wake up tmrmorn to mug.
NO use stoning and cramping stuff when brain is dead.
~MeHhz~

LALALA~

OMG... 1:21am... my exam's in less than 12 hours... and i've not touched the module yet. Wha.... i'm sooooo full of confidence for japanese! (sacarsm)
I know i can pass, but i doubt i can do well. So... mugging time now!!!
Just came back from my cousin's wedding... Awesome food, videos, cute couple, etc... But i felt sooo uncomfortable in dinner wear. haha.. jeans and tee are still the best!
I'm so crazy this sem... totally unprepared for exams but i'm strangely nonchalant. I wonder when will i start to panic.. tmr? before the exams? or totally never? It's like i don't care anymore, though i SHOULD. Sigh... sheri ah sheri ah..... wth are u doing with your life?!?!?!
~MeHhz~

:X

fuck.
was nagged at when i was feeling shitty, and was unable to control my mouth.
Ended up talking back and being rude again.
shit. i'm the bad daughter once again for reacting this way when my mum was only being concerned.
sigh.... feeling guilty once again....
Why can't i ever control my reactions with my family?
I've hurt the sensitive her once again.
*am really guilty*
useless me.
~MeHhz~

mehhhh

And my parents want me home to concentrate. HAHA.
It's quite a joke considering how this study week was totally spent at home and i totally slacked ALL the way. DAMN. no motivation AT ALL!!!
The only times i studied was on monday when i was in school, and wed when john met me at manpuku to mug. Other than that, i touched NOTHING. If i stayed in hall, i would have at least mugged 3hrs everyday.
WTH happened to my motivation. Monday's the first paper and i didn't even touch that. Tuesday's paper is like only 50% prepared and accounting is barely touched AT ALL. SIGH.
Tmr's cousin's wedding, will be busy from morn till night. SERVE ME RIGHT for slacking so much.
Time to start mugging. HARD.
Tonight: conplete 3261 lecture notes.
Tmr: any available time, mug LAJ.
mon: 3261 tutorials. (shit i'm so gonna screw this mod)
tues: complete 3242 lecture notes
wed: accounting
thurs: 3242 tutorials + past year paper :X
fri: accounting
Sat: accounting.

I hope i can at least scrape a B for accounting, considering the super high bell curve there is... SIGH. i just screwed up my whole sem in this last week, after working so hard throughout the semester.
Sheri you suck.
~MeHhz~

Study week...

today's the second day of study week.
I've only covered 3 chapters so far...
NOT productive at all.
Gotta mug hard tmr.

It's irritating how my emotions are all dependant on that one person, who's every action determines how the atmosphere at home is. When he has bad mood, there's a haze of gloom or fear covering us all.. we keep quiet, stick to our own rooms, spring up like a frightened bunnies when he calls us to help in this or that. When he's in a good mood, we relax, laugh, feel at ease. But the slightest trigger of stupidity puts him in a cranky mood again. It's rather stressful at times.....
I'm the youngest in the family. I'm the girl in the family. I'm supposed to help out here and there. the housework, etc.... Do this, do that, etc.... I'm being made use of, or rather do what's expected of me in this family. But i'm also the one being pampered the most. Whatever i need, i get it. I should be thankful? absolutely. But it comes to the point where, at the slightest mention of "maybe i need.... blahblahblah" and they'll wanna get it for me. But when i decided i REALLY don't need it and there's no need to waste money, they still wanna get it for me. Or rather, HE still wants to get it for me. I mean, i should be thankful, i know. BUT there's no need to get it. I DON'T WANT IT. and yet he insists on buying it.

It's really irritating how they love forcing things on me. I'm a picky person. I choose what i like. I hate it when pple buy for me stuff AGAINST my wishes. It's a freaking waste of money. I usually don't spend much. I make a do with whatever i have. When i buy something, i can afford to get the good quality ones, the best. But that's cos i only buy what i need occasionally. Take clothes for example. I buy when i see something i really really like and will use. I buy it when i have a lack of clothes. Else, i'll just stick to free tees that my aunt gives me. So when i really wanna buy some nice clothes, i allow myself to spend. maybe a nice top or two, a year for CNY or christmas, will last me quite long.
So when i say i DON'T WANT something, it's damn freaking irritating to know that i'm still being pampered and you're getting it for me. WTF are u wasting money for!? Similarly, the last time my watch spoilt, i said i Don't need one. They got an ex, heavy, thick watch for me, that ended up being stuffed at the corner of my drawer cos it's inconvenient, not water proof and i don't like it.
Can't they just accept my views on what i NEED and what i DON'T NEED!? why fucking waste money. I'm still trying to convince them NOT to buy it for me. But i'm getting really irritated. I'ld rather they give me the money and let me spend it travelling or on movies. STOP PAMPERING ME~!!!!!
I know i sound like an ungrateful bitch, but seriously, there's no need to spend unnecessary money no matter how much u wanna pamper me. ARGH...... I know i'm being whiny where others would be thankful and envious, but i HATE it when pple splurge on me. why waste?!?!!
~MeHhz~

YESH!!!

Everything done!!! no more projs! YEAH.
Time for my long awaited sleep now~
Night pple!
~MeHhz~
edit: shit i forgot still got lab report to handle. Lucky it's easy. Shall do it within 10mins tmr!

oh my tian~

Haha,, i totally killed myself with 45mins of sleep yesterday.... serve me right for trying to do work even though i'm already concussing.. what a waste of time. And i still haven't sleep yet. Done with FYP at last. Churned out the bloody data for themt o write a paper due tues. My part is done (I HOPE) cos i really need to stat mugging for finals.
But before that, i gotta complete term paper first... *yawnz*
I'm sorry brandon, my work is not really gonna be good for the paper. Sorry! too tired to do more than required. Though the topic's interesting, i'm seeing stars as i stare that the computer screen. So i'll just churn out the last page or 2 for applications then pass it on to you. SORRY! I'll try improving on it once i'm home tmr.. b4 12mn. i hope there's time... blame it on my fyp profs who throw me that sudden load of data processing to do. :X
~MeHhz~

LALALALALALALA~

I'm feeling so HIGH and not stressed now~
I dunno why.... I'm happily reading the reference journal for my term paper and am finding it sooooo interesting~ haha..... for once i'm glad i'm doing a termpaper. Though the reading part is shuang, when i have to actually type out the termpaper, i think i'll be damn sian cos i'll be sleep by then~ Dunno~ haha...
But if i've no LAJ oral tmr, i think i'll gladly work through the night for this termpaper~ Oh well... I'll see if i have energy tmr to improve on whatever i do tonight~ THIS is why i'm in mechanical engineering~ to deal more with equipments and fabricating parts, rather than stupid structures, fluid flow, etc.... I thought i regretted taking this technical elective esign module cos it's mostly on curves and mathematical stuff. But THIS termpaper makes up for the boring stuff! Maybe i'll be able to find a job related to this and fall in love with machines~ haha.... Fat chance though, with such lousy CAP. Oh well, we'll see how.
Gotta continue reading and do termpaper liao~ gogogo!
*screw LAJ oral tmr! i don't really care anymore*
~MeHhz~

Yawnz

It's not even 8:30pm, and i'm damn tired. I'm too lazy to revise japanese oral already. Give up! I'll resort to hugging 'buddha's legs' tmr in the mrt. Met my fyp prof and supervisor today.... argh.. gotta churn out data by tmr so that they can use it. PLUS, gotta churn out 4 pages of termpaper today so that i don't die tmr. This week is really really hell week. Thank god jiayong and joan took over the acc proj since i've done my part. Granted i didn't do THAT much, but at least i tried doing whatever i know how to do. Thank god for such awesome and smart groupmates. So it's down to me to push through tonight's 4pages worth of term paper. And probably generate 30% of fyp data. Then Tmr 8am japanese oral. Zzzzz.... then time to chiong FYP data. I would probably have just stayed awake tonight to chiong everything if i don't need my wits with e tmr for oral exam. SIGH. So it's data generation tmr after oral, skip lunch again to chiong. Hopefully i can happily finish it b4 1:15, where i get to go to Makino for industrial visit.

Once i'm done with these, my hectic week is officially over. Tmr night is to compile termpaper, which should be less stressful.... :X oh well.... I JUST CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS WEEK TO END!!! Then i can throw aside FYP, projs and termpapers, and concentrate on mugging for exams....
After typing so much.... i STILL need to go do termpaper... *yawnz*
Wish me luck for oral. :X
~MeHhz~

sobbs...

There goes 3 days of break. haha.
On the whole, it seems rather productive considering that i finished my part on lab report, acc proj, my FYP stuff, studied a chapter and researched for termpaper.
BUT, termpaper researching is yielding nothing that i need. SIGH.
Oh well, just gotta try harder tmr!
School starts again... time to travel in the morn AGAIN. I'm so tired of travelling to school somehow. Bleh~ i'mma lazy bitch. XD
Anyway, hectic week ahead trying to rush termpaper and mug for japanese orals. I CAN DO IT!!! tmr will be termpaper meeting. wed will be fyp meeting, study for japanese oral and do termpaper. thurs will be japanese oral, and termpaper compilation. Fri will be lab, then family stuff. Then sat yw bday outing. Busy~!!! and after all these, it's time to mug for EXAMS!!!
GOGOGO~!!!
~MeHhz~

omg~

Reread my old posts.. and the whole page of my blog is filled with posts on how tired i am... @.@ Didn't even realised i blogged so much. KK!! i shall change my tone of blogging from now on.... No more negative stuff, or tired stuff. I should blog happy stuff to keep myself positive! =)
I sounded soooooo whiny in all those previous posts! erps.
No more!
tired i will be, but down and negative i will not!
*skips around*
It's the weekends! more time to do stuff, sleep and rest! =)
~MeHhz~

*floats around~*

more or less concussed the whole day, after 4hrs of sleep for 2 consecutive days~
but i'm feeling much better now... :P
lab report not gonna be as stressful as i thought so still okay~
to do tonight: my part of lab report
tmr b4 3pm: acc proj, question 17, part a. and reseach termpaper.
But seems like i can't complete much tmr. My aunts and cousins are dropping by to find a suitable dress for my cousins so that they can wear for an upcoming wedding dinner. LOL. it's so lame cos the aunt lending the dress is coming to my house, and the 2 cousins plus their mum is coming to my house too, when their house is 5 mins walk away... =.='' AND it's not like i have dresses which my cousins can borrow. It's probably cos my room got more space and a mirror for them to use,plus aircon bah.. but gotta mop floor tmr again... still it should be fun. I'm lazy to dress up, but i do think it's fun dressing pple up. haha...
oh well~ time to slack awhile b4 i attempt the lab report~ and i can SLEEEEEEPPPP well tonight. SHIOK.
~MeHhz~
brrr... guess i tend to overreact when i'm feeling stressed. I sound so oversensitive and petty in yesterday's post! *shudders* I think my bro partially reacted that way cos i was rude also lah... =P oh well... i'm a girl. girls have pms. BLEH~ haha...

*edit yesterday's post: change fish water 3 times a day? HAHAHA... what kind of special fish do i have. I meant 3 times a week. But even then, sometimes i'm too lazy and end up changing it every 5 days... haha....

BITCH MODE ON

I just totally feel like bitching about now. The lack of sleep, plus proj stress, plus some pple being irresposible assholes and acting as if they are 'very big', plus expectations to sleep early, plus housework/home duties. BLAH.

Sometimes i do wonder if it's me who's the weird one or the one in the wrong. I have parents whom i can't seem to satisfy as their ideal daughter. I have a brother who seems to think of me as an irritant no matter how i try to change my attitude towards him. I have friends who complain having no friends in their lives even though i try to find time to mix with them. Am i the one who's not meeting other's expectations? am i not good enough to be who they want me to be?

Or is it them who keeps expecting more from me cos i always give in to what they want?

K.... there's so much more i wanna bitch. on what a fantastic bro he is and how great he seems. *note the sacarsm* i wanna say i can't be bothered blogging, but on the other hand, i can't resist either. ha. what kind of son/bro tells you he'll give a reply to whether he needs dinner to be packed for him anot, but when you wait till 8pm, the reply is still not there. i called home to ask for dinner orders, and that big boss needs my mum to call him to ASK him AGAIN, what he wants for dinner. He can 'act busy', or maybe he really is, and then shut my mum off by saying he'll call me to tell me directly. in the end, he didn't fucking call me at all. I waited awhile at the food court for some kinda reply before i called my mum to ask for feed back, and my mum was like:" huh? he didn't call you? don't care already, just come home." Then at 10pm, he strolls in from the door with his own dinner in his hands, no calls whatsoever. If i'm a dumbass, i'll be waiting at the food court for his call already. AND THEN, he later has the guts to grumble at me for entering the toilet BEFORE he went in. Meaning, just when he wants to bathe, he realised i stepped in to bathe. HA. SLOW POKE. and then he starts saying i was wasting time doing stupid excercise when i should have bathed earlier. and what as he doing? watching tv and thinking about what gifts to reward his students with. As if those can't be done AFTER he showers. Well, TOO BAD FOR HIM. I'm trying to juggle my hectic life style and just because he's working doesn't give him ANY rights to the toilet. And he dares says i'm doing stupid exercises. (sacarsm on) It might come as a surprise for him, but apparently, one should NOT do exercises too soon after dinner. So since i had to leave school at 7pm, travel all the way back to tampines, packet dinner, and wait for HIS stupid 'non' dinner order, and then i finally get to eat dinner at 9pm, i need to wait for an hour for dinner to digest b4 i can exercise, so i start at 1030pm. by the time i'm done it's 1130pm, and then i SHOWER! wha..... Oops, you wanted to shower at that time too? after lazing around in front of the tv, thinking random stuff, etc..?. TOO BAD. First come first serve. and when i pointed out he could easily bathe first, what did he say: SHUT UP.

Here i am tryingmy best to do my work (yes i'm still doing accounting proj at this time), after having slept for 4and a half hours yesterday, then trying to keep my weight down to satisfy my dad from nagging at me growing fat (i mean seriously? which dad keeps picking on his daughter for being fat?) despite the fact that i still gotta wake up at 6+ tmr morning for lab, and there he comes and make noise? STFU. All he cares is his work, his interest, occassionally buying nice food back cos he should treat the family (k, i'm being mean here, i know he cares for the family and wants to share good food), and that's all. His only job: to wipe the floor once a week. Me? i have to change fish water 3 times a day, listen to my mum rant about everything, wash the toilet once a week, help out here and there when my mum's not feeling well or tired, and then deal with my school work and now lose weight just to stop my dad from his horrible nagging. I'm really going crazy soon. and to deal with that, while i'm burning midnight oil to complete my work, i have my mum coming in every 15-20 mins chasing me to sleep. and my bro can happily surf net to whatever time he deems fit. LIFE IS NEVER FAIR. and to top it all, i can't be rude to my parents. Meaning, i can't tell my mum off for chasing me to sleep, or ask her to leave me alone. I gotta explain as patiently as possible, which is DAMN HARD to do now when all i wanna do is snap as someone, to let her understand that i NEED to complete some stuff before i can fucking sleep.

At least the plus point today was that jean/brandon noticed i lost weight~ Yay! 3-4 weeks of dieting, surviving on as little carbs as possible, with almost everyday exercise of 45mins to 1hr, i lost 3kg! Could have been 4kg instead, if i wasn't tempted by occasional kitkat, sweets, or the girlguide choc cookies. But i've been damn shag, seriously. I'm stoning away most of the time in school when my brains are not needed. Maybe by the time i'm done with my dieting (i hope i don't give up soon, though i seriously feel like), i can stop hearing my dad nagging at me for being a fat blob.

Still, argh.... at least i've aired my fustrations here. Time to get on with acc proj. 2am now. 6:50 need to wake up. Probably try to do abit more f the project b4 i sleep at 2.30. another day with less than 5 hours of sleep, less carbos, etc... TGIF. i can recharge my batteries again during the weekends. Still got CAM termpaper, acc proj, lab report, and fyp research to do. Not to forget, start mugging for finals. still need to change fish water tmr, pack my room b4 my aunties come, and wash toilet again on tuesday. WHAT A LIFE.

I'm really sorry for neglecting my close friends this period. Haven't been contacting ANY of them at all. I'm just too tired with all kinds of demands made on me. I know there are many out there who have it worse than me, esp the aki students with all their assignments etc.... But i just needed to bitch about my life for a moment, and i'll be back to the old 'anything' sheri again. Probably a more zombie-like sheri. but still the old me, not so bitchy. i don't like this me either. bleh. Come one Sheri. There are others worse off. quit your complainings and work hard. GANBARIMASU!

To be fair, my bro's good also lah.. birthdays he don't mind splurging, but since when am i materialistic? I'ld rather be treated WITHOUT sharp words and more like a human than a pest, then be showered with expensive gifts on my birthday. I'ld rather go without a gift. sigh.

I'm being stretched quite thin here. If u're a friend I deem fit to share this blog with, i hope you won't be mean and start teasing me about dieting. Thank you. I probably won't mind it that much if u start after all my assignments are done and handed in, so i won't be so stressed and snappish.
~MeHhz~

buta ni naru.

It's so hard to concentrate these days... I just feel like sleeping. SO very tired, and yet i'm wide awake at night. My body clock is totally screwed. My free afternoons are wasted trying to keep awake and my 'awake' nights are cut short due to early morning classes. Classes which are compulsory that i can't be late. SIGH. =(
~MeHhz~

WHEW~

Individual things (excl. FYP) are all settled. Left with 3 lab reports,acc proj, CAM term paper, and FYP. Still alot to go, but I CAN DO IT! Lost motivation for 3days or so... was feeling quite ARGH!!! But i'm feeling better now.... Battery recharged! JIA YOU SHERI!!
~MeHhz~