Tired... and random...

Image taken from deviant art. I've some weird fetish for stars and supernovas these days. The whole process of stars dying and forming again is so cool! haha.. and the night sky is always so beautiful when it's full of stars...

Floorball ended at 11.50pm... Went back to my room to do that solidworks tutorial while i cool down b4 i bathe.. @.@ i'm so screwed lah. Tutorials are all coming fast, and i've already lost the momentum to study.

Anyway, i'm really hungry now. And i'm snacking on my bday prezzie given by eveline.. HAHa~ 4 packets of biscuits and 2 tubs of cookies. *Woots~* Perfect way to keep me from going to RH for supper when i'm hungry. Thanks~!

Been randomly surfing through some blogs of friends whom i seldom contact. It makes me feel so useless. There they are chasing their dreams, achieving what they want to, and here i am, flunking uni. Furthermore, although i tried hard to stop myself from delving too deep into japanese culture, i can't help but feel a pang of jealousy/sadness, that i've been missing out sooo many important events. Events that i've really wanted to go to - Natsu matsuri. I'm trying hard not to go out too much, since i'm staying in hostel, anymore outings, my parents will nag non-stop and kill me one fine day. But, i REALLY miss them. So much.

That aside, i've got to say, Singaporeans are not all kiasu, unhelpful pple. Many times i've witness helpful guys and girls alike, being gentlemanly, being considerate, etc... That's why i've never thought that there's no hope for singaporean's kiasu attitude. =) Somehow its only the adults that behave so kiasu-ly. Haha.

Also, there's this super cool friend of mine that i really look up to. She's pretty and cute although she never acts cute, she's smart and has superb dance moves. And the thing that i really look up to, is her confidence and independance. And no, i'm not les. I'm just so marvelled by the fact that she carries herself with the air of confidence i will never have.

Last thing to 'random' about. Sometime i've been thinking, am i such an easy person to make use of? Certain friends totally take me for granted and ask for unreasonable favours. Some, i know have no choice but to ask me for help. That, i understand and will certainly help even if the request is kinda 'too much'. But even my family takes me for granted. Everytime, sheri, go do this, girl, go do that, eh, u free help me do this and that. I'm not the only child u have can? Just because i'm brought up to 'respect my parents and help out in the house', and i never complain when u ask for help, doesn't mean i don't mind doing EVERYTHING. I'm not the only child. Just because he'll complain or make noise and i don't, doesn't mean u can just make use of me. Change fish water, i got to do that, help u do this, help u do that, while ur other child sits in front of his computer to surf his favourite sites. whatever....

Anyway, i should be sleeping now instead of blogging. I've added another new section stating my hopes and dreams... Things i've always wished for, but might never come true anyway. Just a reminder to myself...

~MeHhz~

FREAK

Yah, FREAK. I didn't get my appealed mod. Finally replied and it's bad news. Just douse a bucket of cold water on me. Go ahead. Damn.
~Mehhz~

SHOCKu~

They made me unable to finish my tutorials, or prepare my lab, or sleep early....
It's all their fault.. that i... love them so much. haha...
Monday night, supper @11pm, cos kevin tay was coming back. Or so, i was told. Was looking forward to it till i realised i should be doing tutorials and lab rather than eating and crapping with them. But anyway, i completed Q2 of my tutorial and decided to bathe b4 its too late. I was still thinking how regretful it was that i'ld miss the supper. :X and was thinking of chionging the 6 questions then i'll go join them.
Suddenly i heard a guy's voice outside the toilet (sounded like john). i was like @.@ then i heard knockings on my room door... I was like thinking "OMG.. who's knocking on my door? O.o". So i quickly dressed and came out of the toilet, to see the whole grp of indy pple crowding around my room door. LOLX!!! i was surprised, and they were shocked. I came from the toilet behind them rather than my room. HAHA....
Had a cake from them from Bakerzin~ (2nd bakerzin cake! First was from my family.) and a disney piglet stool... =) thanks indy. U just made me break my resolve to ignore hall stuff except for floorball. Uni life without u guys will be just pure hell to me. THANKYOU~! <33
NOw.. to do my tutorials and prepare lab... T.T
~MeHhz~

>.<

Received more presents. Lolx.. din expect since it was over a few days already. =) Thanks for the chocs, the bear and keychain. Plus that LOL-able drawing of certain unique ME students. HAHA...
That aside, i feel like as i age, my concentration power decreases. I need to concentrate on studying, but my mind drift, my fingers itch for keyboard (laptop), my eyes itch for dramas.... ARGH!!! i'm totally screwed if i can't study this sem... *pulls hair in fustration* I see others exceling in all different areas, pursueing their dreams, but here i am wasting my time away. I feel so useless... I NEED TO CONCENTRATE.
~MeHhz~

19/8/2009

19th August 2009. Wednesday. Many things on... It was engine day. It was RH concert launch day. It was RH bubble tea sale day. It was RH AGM day. It was the eve of the 7th month. It was RH floorball meeting day to settle admin stuff. And, it was my 20th birthday.
At exactly 12midnight, da jie msged. *hugs* never failed to rmb since we both arrived on earth on the same day, but a year apart... :P
Then yw msged, then jacq... haha.. These late sleepers ah.. :P And thanks to the rest who specially msged.. XD though i wanted to keep a low profile, pple still rmb-ed. haha.. Thanks... cathy, eliz, yuling, nerf pengyou, hoi, caiyu, mandy, a.Em, Lily jie jie, a.Chris, SY pengyou, my bro, and meng how. A card from hweeling, and dear randall even called to crap.. :P haha...
Met yw for lunch... @ manpuku haha... thanks dear for accompanying me on this day.
Met aquos for dinner on thurs for buffet @ holland v... thanks thanks!!
And thanks for the prezzies~! ^^ A sweater from Yiwei, Xiaofang, Kenneth, a notebook from Yiwei, a cardigan from Shiying and Randall, Portable (damn-good) speakers from AQUOS, and ang bao from my parents.

Anyway, i'm 20 finally. No longer a teen. I need to stop being so dependant on certain pple. I need to start worrying about my future. I need to stop acting so childishly, thinking so childishly. Yes, i agree with the saying without hopes, there wont be disappointment. Hoping that i can do this and that is like a luxury i dont think i can afford to have. All i'll get in the end is disappointment. But no matter what, it doesnt mean my parents have no hopes for me. I GOT TO LIVE UP TO THIER EXPECTATIONS. so... shelf my dreams and trash my hopes, but just keep mugging. Which i haven't been able to do so even till now. SHYTE.
ARGH..... that's why i never reminded anyone its my birthday. I dont exactly need extra reminders that i'm now no longer a teen. its just an ordinary wednesday, and life goes on as usual. =)
~Mehhz~
P.S -- hey mr bear. If i'm bright(lightbulb) must say k? Haha... i'm quite slow in noticing certain things, especially since u kept denying there's nothing going on. So i end up sticking with u 2, though i usually try not to. But once there's something going on MUST say k? or at least hint, then i will make myself scarce.. XD

Zzzzz

Thought to sleep early --> 12.30am. But ended up going for supper. Last supper i'll go this sem i hope. With my screwed up timetable, i can't afford to go for suppers and sleep late anymore. Just spoil myself today and meet them to chit chat. No more next time.
Hectic week ahead. I gotta learn to concentrate. *yawnz*
~MeHhz~

i dont know.

I think i'll go crazy one day. Soon.
I give up juggling between studies, family, CCA and friends.
one day, when i MIA, u'll just know that i have gone crazy.
~MeHhz~

THANK YOU FOR THIS NIGHT.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST SY DA JIE~!
Though i know its a little early. But since today was the chalet, Happy birthday my dear~! <33
And thanks for inviting us all to ur 21st party. =) I'm really grateful for this chance to catch up with the rest of them. And thanks for the gift too!! (we both bought the same colour. HAHA.)
Din get to talk to u much.. Lets all meet up soon to chit chat. *Huggs*
I read it somewhere that if you love someone, whoever it is, say it. So I'll just say. Yes! i love 2Gians. I love my dearest da jie, Shi Ying. I love my dearest ah bu, Pris. I love my dear dear, Yi Wei. I love the guys Kiat Hwee, Zi jie, Ryan, Randall. I love the joker, Meng How. I love my scandalous partner, Yue Heng. haha.. yes meng how, the scandals were part of my childhood, even though its a fact that i never talked to him at all.. =.='' thank you. Lolx. I have to admit. I didn't think much of my AHS classes. I tot AQUOS, plus yw and sy, was all AHS gave to me. But now, i realised how much 2G meant to me. The craps, the jokes, the old times... Man, i miss u pple.
After i realised what an ass my ex-classmate Mr.YA was, you pple are like sooo sooo sooo much better. Yes, some pple are such an ass. They approach you just because they're gonna go into the same uni course as u and need ur help for certain things. LEcture notes and tutorials to be exact. And no, he doesn't just ask you for the notes. He asks for your username and password to access ur acc. When u refuse, he'll go like : wha... know u for 3 years still dun trust me. Like HELLOO!! u know me for 3 years, but what do u know about me? How much have we talked b4? O.o
Anyway, looking forward to 2G gathering. ^^ oh.. and i decided to cut my hair if i my appeal gets through and i get my module. If not, i'll just punish myself for my stupidity of not upping my bid on time and suffer from my unruly hair for the rest of this sem. Haha...
Oh and special thanks to yi wei, xiao fang, kenneth, randall and shi ying. I'll post pics and elaborate after that day. =)
~MeHhz~

Basket...

Nus admin hasn't replied my appeal! and the first week of school is gonna be over!! RAWR!! i'm screwed. Terribly screwed!!! >.< am i gonna be stuck with 17MCs this sem!?!?! DIE DIE DIE!!
~Mehhz~
Ps: stupid blogger, when i wanna post pics, i can't. when i dont need to, the post pic icon comes up. =.=''

DAY 1 of year 2....

I miss indy, i miss hall pple, i miss RH gatherings.
But then, it's still as fun in engin crapping with friends, esp lunch time.
Enough of emo posts. there's thousand and one things for me to rant about.
But ranting doesnt help.
These few days are gonna be hectic, travelling btw school and home.
Next week's gonna be better i hope. When i get to stay in.
NUS admin hasn't replied my appeal. I'm still praying hard for it.
But no matter, i gotta learn to love engin. i hope.

Should i cut my hair? for a new phase for my life? Haha.
Been thinking of cutting short rebonded hair. XD
Should i?

Lastly, to pay my respect to JASMINE YOU.
Superb BASSIST of VERSAILLES.
He passed away at such a young age.
Just when versailles is doing so well.
Another young talented artiste gone just like that.
Although i never really liked ur image,
ur bass has always inspired me.
R.I.P jasmine.

~MehHz~

WTH

Nothing's going right. Even my lappy is bullying me. What's with the blackouts on the screen? I dun even have the chance to read the window that pops out some 'registry' problem warning, and the screen just turns all black. WTH....

Edit: The only time u came to talk to me recently, it just made me feel worse. Like everything was my fault, i didn't make my stand clear enuf, i was wasting money, etc... Maybe i am. Why is it that you two can say exactly the same thing to shoot me down in the same way? And after that continue on with your decision when i finally relented? Was it just to ridicule me and then flaunt your generosity? i dont get it.

烦死人 part1

这几天，不知为何心情很沉重。可能是应为还没开学，就遇到了MODULES的问题。或许是应为害怕会再次FLUNK我的考试。自从进入大学以后，一切都不顺利。测验考试全都不理想，父母亲的约束让我无法呼吸，等等问题。但我知道，这就是人生。一直以来我都被父母亲保护着，Alevels之后，不能做工，不知道原来社会是如此。进了大学，眼看着大家都非常独立，非常有上进心，非常聪明，非常能干，都努力的朝着自己的理想前进。而我却无法专心的念书。以前的我冲满了自信，一直相信自己是能读书的料，但现在我早已任命了。我是个笨猪。三天后又开学了，又要面对那些聪明的朋友，提醒自己我是个笨蛋，所以不能再做只懒猪，得努力读书。但我能吗？一点儿信心都没有。对于自己的缺点，我很清楚，却无法改掉坏习惯。是应为我不够努力吧。真的不想上学。
Ha... typing in chinese makes me forget what i've wanted to rant about. this is only one point. Oh, remembered. And it doesn't help much knowing that my parents expected alot from me. the usual comparisons they do, never stops. why so and so can do so well, why other family's children pass out from uni and get good jobs etc. ha. plus my dad with his usual badmood that leads to endless scoldings just reminds me how useless i am. I can never meet their expectations. Sem3, another chance for me to work hard. But i dread it as usual. I need to self psycho.... i love engin, i love maths, i love engin.
to be continued~ (haha. i shall rant all my sian-ness b4 school officially reopens!)
~MeHhz~

o(>.<)o

wha... first time i realised, listening to emo songs can really make pple emo even though you weren't emo in the first place. think about random stuff, miscellaneous things... but still, i love his songs... Koji Tamaki. Old man, yes i know. But great melodies.
updates:
1) went cashstudio with eveline again. XD singing jap songs FTW~
2) met up with dear YW today, bought da jie's prezzie. Chatted lots as usual. *hugs*
3) chatted with dear ryan on msn. Ha. it seems so strange, for us to chat and crap on msn naturally, but when face to face, we hardly talk. oh, btw, ryan's my cousin in malacca. =)
Bidding is still screwed. all cos my of own stupidity. argh. i dunno what to do anymore. Do i try to bid for other mods? But i gotta spam that 800 points in round3b for that 1 miserable slot available. I probably wont get it, but i can only appeal after that. @.@ die le lah.......
~stupidmeHhz~

*self-smacks* x100

Shyte. I'm freaking pissed with myself... I totally destroyed my sem3 timetable... How can i actually miss the bidding time!?!?! I have 800 points to spam, but only bidded 400 in advance bid. Then i totally forgotten to up my bid till its too late. I've no other modules i can take already. And other mods totally clash with my timetable. ARGH!!!!!!! what am i to do!!!!!!!!!! round 2b doesnt offer the mod anymore, and round 3's bid point for the mod usually goes up all the way till 1300. I DONT HAVE ENUF POINTS! Shit. All these due to my stupidity. ARGH!!!! and i feel so guilty. i'm supposed to take it with a friend and now that friend has to take alone.. SORRY.... I'm super panicky now... how to find another module to fit into my timetable that has 5core mods?!?! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!! wonder if appealing can work. No matter, i'll try to appeal. And i was soo looking forward to that mod!!! Something other than engineering. T.T
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
~Badmoodmehhz~

random...

Now that blogger is functioning normally again, i want to post some pics.. But no time. everyday there's sure to be something on. I dunno why. School's reopening soon. I haven't had the time to watch the few shows i wanted to. Mei-chan no shitsuji, beethoven virus, Mr. brain, the building blocks of life, and many more. Sooo many movies i wanted to rent and watch with yw, but no time. Sigh... din go back to tpjc as planned, din meet up with rm, cathy, kw, jh. And now, school's starting in a weeks time.
I'm staying in kuok foundation now, no more raffles hall. Is that a good thing or bad thing, i dunno. I guess for the sake of my results, i'll take this chance and be phantom from hall life totally. Or maybe not, i might still join floorball. should i? :X and since i'm not staying hall, or planning to be active, should i take up a cca? Shooting? be more active in JSS? or join Aikido? I really dunno. I'm really starting to dread the reopening of school. Somemore, no more raffles hall = no more piano. How am i supposed to practice for my lessons? I'm tempted to get a keyboard. But it's like $1K?! Should i just spend my savings like that? @.@ oh... and... my hair is so long now... i'm tempted to go rebonding and cut it short. should i? haha... been pondering over these things for awhile...
Driving these days are getting more fun, since its module 3, the crank course, slope and stuff. Fun fun.. Had a totally new instructor today. haha.. lame guy, totally puts me at ease, and boosts up my confidence level. why are these nice instructors only teaching me once??? :X
Down with flu these 2 days. Not H1N1... just the norm flu... not exactly down, cos i still go for driving and piano lessons, but i end up taking flu panadol 1 hr b4 lessons so that my flu stops (and instructors dun chase me away thinking i've H1N1). And when i'm home, my nose is all runny again. =.=''
RAWR!! i'm pretty messed up these days, with stuff i should do and should not. With expectations piling up, unsure aims and goals. @.@
~MeHhz~