Some thoughts....

Fclc [Just some anime pic...]
Just some emo post to let out the stress i'm feeling. Dont bother reading.
It's 2 ++ am now. I should be sleeping... I don't know wads wrong with me. Uni life kinda tears me apart... I'm sooo tired nowadays, even though i have so much to complete. I know its my fault for being such a slacker. Maybe i just didn't want to face the fact that i'm stupid afterall, so i din study hard. Did i refuse to study for fear that i might flunk my midterms even though i studied hard? (bleh... that's just an excuse to myself) Being surrounded by scholars, disciplined pple, is very scary. The fear just builds up.

I'm sooo tired now, with all the uni stuff, but when i sit back and think, i haven't seem to complete anything wadsoever. What have i been doing for the past few months? seriously thinking, the only achievable thing i've done was to forge friendships in Raffles Hall, complete the music composition for RH concert. Other than that, nothing else.

My studies are dying away. It's the worst i've ever gotten throughout my life. Every single module is below average, 'cept for c programming, but its not much better anyway. And here i am still missing all my fav hobbies. I miss anime, listening to jrock, shooting with peng yous, singing with aquos, crapping with jrock forumers, etc etc etc... all these stuff, i've not done in ages. And yet, my studies are still dying away.

I was just reminded of my parents expectations. I've never really failed then before. But now, i'm really afraid. Very. Uni workload is taking its toll on me... and i'm starting to hate myself more and more... Sometimes, i just wish to heck every single module and just listen to music and do wad i enjoy. But i know i should not. When have i become such an idiot? I dont know. My parents dont know how badly i'm faring now. and i scared. seriously. Finals are in a months time, and i'm totally unprepared. the fear is mounting. I sometimes just end up staring into space and thinking wad will happen to me when flunk my finals. I should be mugging, i know. But i dunno why i'm not doing that. It's so unlike me to NOT keep up with my work.

I really dislike the me now.

~hatedMeHhz~