hmmm.....

I just realised something.
All my life, i've been avoiding, or rather running away from conflicts.
Cos i really hate them, i hate quarreling with pple, clashing when i've different opinions. Hence, i've more or less a good control of my temper. My choices are 'anything' most of the time, and though i know it sometimes irritate my friends, i can't help it.
At times when i really wanna give my opinion, my friends have a different suggestion, so i just shut up and go with the flow. I guess that's why i'm really not very independant and i'm frequently made use of. Pple ask me to do this and that, and i'll just say okay most of the time, cos i don't wanna piss them of.
However, i just realised, if i ever end up quarrreling with a friend (yes, i've NEVER quarrelled with friends) or end up pissing off a friend, i really don't know what i should do. I'll be at a total loss. Thank god i haven't exactly had such an experience, else i think i'll lose that friendship cos i dunno what to do.
But probably if anyone ends up pissing me off, he/she would have to be really really extreme for me to lose my temper. I guess so far only my parents and bro has seen me pissed. Parents are hard to satisfy, with their expectations etc... i guess i developed my temper control from being a guai kia and trying my best not to answer them when i'm freakin pissed. My bro on the other hand, i seldom hold back. Haha... or rather, whenever i flare up or quarrel, it's with my bro. But thank god, somehow since young, we just get on fine even after we quarrel. It didn't occur to me till recently, then despite quarreling so often with my bro, some how we'll end up on normal talking terms the next day, no hard feelings whatsoever. No apologies etc... It's strange. I remember telling myself, he's an asshole, i'm soooo not gonna talk to him... But a week later, then i'll remember i told myself that, but somehow, i don't remember how i started talking to him again. Possibly the very next day after the conflict. haha...
I guess because of that, i don't stay pissed at friends often. i remember an instance that i was freakin pissed for being made used off. But the next day, facing that friend, i just couldn't bring myself to be cold, and less than a week, i don't rmb that incident already. =)
Oh well, i guess i'm just really sensitive most of the time though i try not to let negative comments affect me. or i just store it at the back of my mind and try not to be offended. With my dad's totally insensitive comments and stuff, it's not easy for others to offend me enuf to make me flare up, cos i'm trained from young. Ha.
K i'm just typing my thoughts but i realised it's so not-structured. Haha... Bottom line is...? I dunno.
~MeHhz~